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Essay
The Fine Art of Riffing on (and with) Your Friends
Alexandra Molotkow: "I still get angry at people for stupid reasons. Sometimes people’s faces just bother me and sometimes people emit a smell that makes me furious" — More
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Interpreting the White Stains in the Gotchies of Space
Alexandra Molotkow: "It’s way better to imagine the universe might have a purpose, which we will never know for sure, but which we can have fun making up" — More
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The Times I Was a Bully
Alexandra Molotkow: "In Grade 6, I organized a trivia game for the class and called it “Gen X Jeopardy,” which I would like to go back in time and bully myself for" — More
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What To Do: Party Pooper
Kirk Heron: I've always been pretty doubtful of bathroom exhaust fans, Lil' Stinker — More
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Driving in Los Angeles
Max Mertens: "Our plan was to rent a car in Los Angeles and drive to the Coachella Music Festival... What could possibly go wrong?" — More
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What To Do: Toxic Gas Cloud
Kirk Heron: First of all, no one should be farting on the streetcar — More
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A Thank You, and Goodbye to Dance Cave
Scaachi Koul: The marimba loop of "Girls" by the Beastie Boys will always remind me of vomit, foaming up inside a plastic cup — More
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What To Do: Soul Sucker
Kirk Heron: Forget about your soul, person with a Job, and focus on yourself — More
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In Defence of the Guy Who Hits the Propellor in Titanic
Alexandra Molotkow: "Since then I have dreamed of a passionate love where one of us dies before we can hate each other" — More
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A Tale of Two Seders
Jordan Ginsberg: "Nothing puts a good story in perspective like hearing it told poorly" — More
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What To Do: Your Boyfriend Will Hate You If You Smoke (And Lie About It)
Kirk Heron: (So don't lie about it) — More
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A List of My Greatest Deceits (Including Dingus the Believer)
Alexandra Molotkow: "I am so afraid of lying that sometimes I worry about lying by accident, having deceived myself about the things I believe to be true" — More
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What To Do: Don't Lose Yourself in a Book
Kirk Heron: I pictured myself leaving the Shire (my parents' home) and traveling to the lonely mountain (high school), where I hoped I might kiss a girl — More
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What To Do: Darth Hater
Kirk Heron: "You are being as selfish as any Star Wars character that turned to the dark side" — More
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What To Do: Wedding Blues
Kirk Heron: "Pretend you think his baby is cute and convince him not to wear a white linen suit and a fedora at his wedding" — More
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