Don’t get me wrong; a good man will listen and talk to you about anything. I would never say to my significant other, “I don’t care—take it up with someone else.” But even so, there are definitely some topics we wouldn’t necessarily miss if they were to, let’s say, never come up.
Nobody wants anyone to feel censored. That’s not the point. People should just feel…aware.
Based on feedback from a number of Toronto men, both single and in relationships, here are nine things that women tend to bring up more than never for which the average guy doesn’t quite share the same passion. N0w, don’t worry—we’ll get to the guy stuff that women don’t find interesting.
1. Your 2-Inch Haircut
You look beautiful. Your hair looks beautiful. It’s one of the many reasons we love being around you. But unless you went wild and asked for The Sinead O’Connor, it’s going to be tough for us to care about the maintenance snip, let alone notice it. Below-the-shoulders to above-the-shoulders? That’s a milestone move and we can definitely chat about that. Unfortunately, a minor circumcision doesn’t really make the cut. Did we say you look beautiful? You really look beautiful.
2. The _____ You Had to Return to _____
Finding something that fits just right is frustrating. We get it. Shoes, dress shirts and suits are often a pain for us. But most guys aren’t ‘experimental’ buyers so when the volume gets too high on miscalculated purchases, we tend to tune out. Maybe don’t order that thing online that looks super-cute but might not fit? Or maybe don’t get so much stuff? See, we don’t get it. Probably best to just leave us out of these conversations.
3. Your Nails…Any of Them
Minor decorations in general can be a point of struggle for men, but it gets especially tough when we’re talking fingers and toes. Do we like your nail-polish? We guess. Black might be a little aggressive for some and concentric circles or spelling a word might throw us off our game. But otherwise, it’s not really a focal area. Unless something has gone drastically wrong, it’s probably safe to keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.
4. Your Friend’s Cheating Boyfriend
We know—it’s terrible and you need to unload. Your friend doesn’t deserve it and you’re all stuck because nobody wants to be the one to tell her. And for the record, we would never do that to you. But we can’t really do much with this information except slowly stop taking their relationship seriously and be really awkward around them at the next party. And at least one of us should act normal when they’re around. When most guys hear “drama”, they think “stop”. So if there’s no stop in sight or no Solange-JZ confrontation to report, we’re probably better off without the depressing gossip.
5. Your Mean Boss
We’re all for venting, but there are a few issues with this one. First, a lot of men assume that work is a bit of a gender-neutral battlefield anyway, so the concept of “mean” in the context of “work” is often lost on us. But if it isn’t, there’s a good chance it makes us protective. And then we’re going to want to punch your boss. But if we punch your boss, you’ll probably get fired. And then we’ll have to hear about how you got fired because we punched your boss. And then we’ll feel bad. Maybe just lie to us and tell us you punched your boss?
6. How Cold You Are All The Time
Known fact: our girlfriends and wives are “always cold”. Known solution: None. Should we buy you more sweaters? Should we always wear a backpack? Should we apply for a blood transfusion? Ok, that was a dumb question. But while we feel your pain, you gotta feel ours too. We don’t like knowing you’re uncomfortable; it puts many of us into protection mode. But if it’s just a permanent, inevitable state and there’s nothing we can do about it, we’d rather just silently assume that everyone is going to find a way to pull through on the whole body-temperature thing. And if you need to ask us if it’s cold outside, that means we probably won’t know what to tell you.
7. Your Baby Niece or Nephew
Now now, don’t take this the wrong way. We like them, we probably wanna hold them, they’re super cute and we’re very happy for your family. A healthy child is a blessing to everyone. But after a certain point, it’s not necessarily interesting to everyone. Guys sometimes struggle to really connect with other people’s babies unless they’ve been crowned ‘Godfather’ or some other title that’s also an awesome movie. Like, “The Last Emperor” or “Batman”. Otherwise, we’re probably just going to assume that they look cute in all 48 of their outfits and that we’ll be apprised of any major developments like talking, home runs and girlfriends.
8. What the Humidity Does to Your Hair
Hair management is an understandable ordeal, especially for women. But when it comes to weather-induced hair-physics and the fear of its wrath, you’re probably scooching into “meh” territory with the boys. Not only that, but we’re pretty good with numbers so we’re fairly confident that only one of two things are going to happen: it’s going to get poofier or it’s going to get flatter. So unless baseball hats are on the table for discussion, we’re happy to leave this one in the silent “oh well” category. And don’t forget: we think your hair always looks beautiful. 🙂
9. Your Decision to Wear Flats
Most guys don’t really care if a woman is “taller”; they just care if a woman is “taller than them”. So unless you can dunk on us when you’re in heels or you show up to a black tie event in a ball gown and Chuck Taylors, we’re probably A-OK with whatever footwear decisions you’ve made in the last 3-9 months. It’s not that we never appreciate a beautiful pair of heels or how much further you can walk in your flats without getting a blister. We just think, as far as conversation points go, this one is a few feet short of a touchdown.
Obviously this goes both ways. So tune in next week for “9 things men bring up that women struggle to find Interesting…
Haircut photo courtesy of goMainstream, ‘cheating boyfriend’ photo courtesy of Daniel Zedda, ‘mean boss’ photo courtesy of John Hope, ‘nephew’ photo courtesy of Robert Taddeo.
Benjamin Mann is Toronto’s Standard dating columnist. Follow him on Twitter.