Full-disclosure: I run the only self-financed (filming budget of 0 dollars, plus wine and lifestyle beverages) unofficial after-show for The Avenue with my pals Amy Wood and Paul Terefenko. Why do I do it? I do it because Toronto rarely sees a group of enterprising fame-seekers get together for a project that’s actually semi-successful. I do it because Gregory Gorgeous has nice legs and a hilarious face of make-up. I do it because I want Arta to get me a job at Verve Girl magazine. The truth is, I don’t really know why I do it, but I can tell you I derive some sick sense of pleasure from this weekly exercise.
And so, I wait week after week for this program I care too much about. And this season, it hasn’t been smooth. I e-mail the PR girl working for the show about 10 times on any given evening asking, “is it up yet?” The subject line “Video?” has begun to haunt my dreams. This week there hasn’t even been an episode, but I’ve been assured it is coming. So I waited, and waited, and nothing. It seems strange that a show with a fairly consistent audience (each episode averages about 40K views to our 700 (not K) views) can’t understand the importance of a consistent upload schedule. I watch NBC Must-See Thursdays, not NBC Must-See I Don’t Know Maybe Never.
With no answers, and no episode, all I have to look to is last episode’s teaser which seemed to indicate that someone is going to be attacked in a filmed alleyway (don’t worry, the show does make the very natural decision to drop the camera as person X is being assaulted, because realism). Gregory mentions in the season 2 teaser that he was assaulted in the streets, and Chad, the scummiest could-be gay man on a web reality show, suggests that Mr. Gorgeous was asking for it because he dresses like a woman. Since this season will likely span 6 episodes, I’m guessing this is the rayull-itude I was meant to see this week. Also, Chad? Wow.
But why is there a delay? Could it be that Gregory didn’t want to undermine someone’s real life struggle of being gay bashed, so he decided to re-work the episode? I say this with the understanding that this instance of homo assault is completely fictionalized, but I promise not to break down the fourth wall again. He doesn’t have a production credit, so it isn’t likely that humanity set in. It’s more likely that no one is getting paid to hit upload, so nothing gets uploaded.
Because I have nothing of note to report outside of my one theory above (we just got drunk and drew pictures on this week’s Ave-tershow), here’s a preliminary list of brands our after-show would like to align with:
- Skinny Girl Cocktails (margaritas, specifically)
- Pringles
- Jackson Triggs boxed wine (or bottled for our anniversary show)
- Mario Batali
- Apple Canada
- Canon (The camera. We have our own cannons.)
- Drake’s Coffee Cake
- Drake
- Five Guys Burgers and Fries
- Goop
- Scientology
- Hats
Hopefully there is an episode next week. Because, you know, that’d be professional.
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Kevin Naulls is a Toronto-based writer and former editor of The Goods and The Hype at Torontolife.com. Follow him on Twitter @kevinjn.
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