The Gawker headline on this video is: “Unbelievably Wasted Girl Tries to Have Sex With Tree After Getting in Fight With It”
Yep, that’s exactly what the video’s of. This girl is dirty grinding and making out with a tree at this past weekend’s Ultra Festival in Miami. I wasn’t really sure if she was seriously really messed up, or if she was just putting on a performance until her embarrassed friends find her and usher her quickly away from the growing group of people filming her with their camera phones.
I’m not sure whether to be freaked out, mortified or amused. Well, probs all three at once. What have we learned, children? Don’t get fucked up on mushrooms in the middle of the day and go to a music festival. Oh wait, that sounds amazing. Peace.
Jessica Carroll is the Toronto Standard’s “Best Thing on the Internet Today” columnist. Follow her on Twitter at @jssckr.