After spending the last few weeks laden with the burden of reading serious lists from respectable publications about real stuff that people made, Fun Time Internet invites you to take a load off and enjoy this list of completely fake films that are coming never to a theatre no where near you. Bo Swidersky’s Most Anticipated Fake Films of 2013 run the gamut from the scatalogically prolific Adam Sandler vehicle Old Farts to the glitteringly graphic gore-fest David Bowie: Glampire Hunter. My personal favourite is Soldier Bear, a film that completely misrepresents the real life story of Wojtek, the beer-drinking Syrian brown bear who served in the Polish Artillery during World War II. Starring Nicolas Cage as Hitler!
From Fun Time Internet:
“The bear in this movie has a less foreign-sounding name — Beary B. Bruin. And he doesn’t just carry artillery boxes and supplies, like the real bear did. The bear in this movie is a badass Nazi-killing bear! He can fire bazookas, drive tanks, and fly airplanes. Oh yeah, and this bear also has a tragic backstory explaining why he wants to kill all the Nazis. Hitler stole his honey. Big mistake!”
Full disclosure, I am an occasional contributor to Fun Time Internet.
____
Michael Kolberg is The Sprawl Editor at Toronto Standard. Follow him on Twitter for jokes @mikeykolberg.
For more, follow us on Twitter at @torontostandard and subscribe to our Newsletter.
