As we mosey into the final stretch of the facial hair frenzy that is Movember, the follically inclined among us will soon be shifting their focus from unfettered growth for a good cause to a more personalized idea of grooming. And so it was in the spirit of Beardcember that Wired issued their Field Guide to Tech Facial Hair so that readers might better interpret the beards of Silicon Valley. Premise: There is a good chance your facial hair will predict your profession.

For the fellas (and ladies!) who find their job description listed in the guide, the supposed accuracy of the chart is surely a laugh riot. Undoubtedly they are familiar with these looks and Jeff the Unix admin really does wear his beard just so. What fun! For someone who works in a building stacked with tech types but themselves is not computer biz literate, such as myself, this guide should prove a useful icebreaker when they dare to wander away from their desk on their lunch break that one time and try to engage in small talk with the cool guys from the fourth floor. “You must be a Software QA guy,” we’ll say. “Ask me how I know. Come on, ask me!” 

See the whole thing at Wired.

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Michael Kolberg is The Sprawl Editor at Toronto Standard. Follow him on Twitter for jokes@mikeykolberg

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