The Sun thinks that this is the hottest club in Toronto. Image via Paul Bica
Haven’t we all agreed that “Hottest People in ______” lists are creepy and gross? Apparently the Toronto Sun didn’t get the memo, because their latest foray into edge-of-your-seat critical journalism, City Hall Hotties is the latest in a storied history of journalistic performance art.
One wonders how Mike Strobel, pitched this to his editors: Guys, between the safe injection site proposal and the Scarborough transit debate, there just isn’t enough smolder at City Hall, y’know? What would possess someone to try and make city councillors and municipal bureaucrats — some of the unsexiest people in politics — objects of public desire? Don’t get me wrong, a lot of them are great people, but so are your parents, and if you think your parents are sexy then you’ve got some issues, bro.
Strobel sets the scene, something like the opening scene of Exotica, or really, Beez In The Trap:
“The first thing you notice at City Hall, aside from the pungent smell of your cash being burned, is that the place simmers with sensuality. It teems with Beautiful People,” Strobel observes. “Power attracts them, of course, not to mention easy access to untold millions of other people’s money.”
You’d think our councillors are literally making it rain. Oh wait, there isn’t any money to do that with.
“Ottawa understands this. Every year the capital breathlessly awaits the election of Sexiest MP. Justin Trudeau and Michelle Rempel are the current champs.”
I don’t think Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s cabinet shuffle included a position for Minister of Sex Appeal.
“But what of our local talent? Toronto is the sexiest city in the Great White North. Surely our politicians and bureaucrats out-sizzle those in sleepy, inbred Ottawa.”
Whoa there. I know Ottawa’s a bit of a snooze, but “inbred” is a bit far, no?
“I can hear the reactions in the halls of the Hall. ‘This is terribly sexist and I want nothing to do with it.’ Or: ‘Pick me! Pick me!’”
At least he’s self-aware?
The article goes on to match several creepy descriptors with politicians and mandarins that don’t warrant them, so obsessively so that one wonders if Strobel is actually being serious. Can one really say “Integrity and sex appeal rarely go hand in hand, but we’ll make an exception for Integrity Commissioner Janet Leiper,” with a straight face? How about “A shallow person might ask what Andy Byford, the transit CEO, is doing here, but I have a theory that bald guys appeal to a small but enthusiastic niche”? Have our politics gotten boring again? Because there’s no other way to explain how such an asinine, weirdly objectifying survey would ever be newsworthy, much less necessary or relevant.
Don’t vote for the Fab 14 (barf) at the Sun, link below.
[via Toronto Sun]
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Vidal Wu is an intern at Toronto Standard. You can follow him on Twitter at @vidalwuu.
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