It is said that hockey is the id of the Canadian psyche–that is, our polite society’s choice method of expressing animal urges to seek and destroy, without necessarily having to make eye contact in the process. But since Toronto has the Leafs to contend with, catharsis must be sought elsewhere. It’s a good thing there’s Twitter. While Toronto’s always been quick to jump the social media train, the city’s heated political climate of late (local warming?) makes Twitter an ideal way to exorcise those pesky inner demons. Few who are paying attention to the goings on at City Hall feel ambivalent about the plethora of potential cuts on the table or the polarizing rhetoric that’s being thrown around across the board, and because of the magnitude of proposed dismantling–and certain city leaders’ accelerating devolution into the realm of unselfconscious self-parody–more people are paying attention, period. Civic life has become a theatre of the absurd, and nowhere is that more apparent than everyone’s favourite 140 characters-or-less social platform. Case in point: the fake political Twitter accounts. Everyone everywhere loves a good, jokey civic affairs Twitter account. These might just be the covertly placed whoopie cushions of the digital age; no matter who the culprit behind the handle is, so long as there’s some semblance of flatus in return. Twitter’s joke accounts offer farts aplenty, and there are enough of them to fill a virtual reform school classroom. Twitter has no fewer than 15 parody accounts devoted to Toronto city leaders, and a simple name search will usually bring them up. Take Councillor Josh Matlow, for instance: enter his name into the platform’s search bar and you’ll encounter the man himself (@JoshMatlow:“Toronto City Councillor for Ward 22”), but you’ll also find the fairly active @NotJoshMatlow (“As an environmentalist, I see the trees for the forest”) in addition to @AmNotJoshMatlow (less active) and @FakeJoshMatlow, who hasn’t made a peep since March. To isolate the wheat from the chaff–or whatever the cheese cutting equivalent may be for that metaphor–is the Standard‘s own field guide to Toronto’s parody political Twitter characters: Handle: @HULKMAYOR Bio: “HULKMAYOR RESPECT TAXPAYER!” Tweeting style: Self-explanatory On Twitter since: July 14, 2011 Number of followers: 679 Sample Tweet: “ONLY REASON HULKMAYOR LOCK OUT CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY INTIMIDATE GIORGIO! AND HE LEAVE CAMERA HOME ANYWAYS! #topoli“ Handle: @TOPortlandsPR Bio: “Fake? No, we’re not fake. Ok, we’re fake.” Tweeting style: Gently snarky, like a cool high school English teacher. On Twitter since: September 1, 2011 Number of followers: 79 Sample Tweet: “Forget shot of rye vending machines, Port Lands Mall will have a rye spigot right next to the water fountain.” Handle: @MovieMayor (aka Bert Xanadu) Bio: “It’s circa 1973. I am Mayor of Toronto and owner of the Imperial Six cinemas on Yonge St.” Tweeting style: Rakish. No basis in actual person leaves room for creative licence. On Twitter since: September 22, 2009 Number of followers: 1,152 Sample Tweet: “I know it’s a tad warm-ish deep in the bowels of City Hall’s boiler room, but do I REALLY have to re-issue the ‘pants mandatory’ memo?? #topoli” Handle: @DenzilMiW (aka Denzil Minion-Wrong) Bio: “Free-wheelin’ Toronto City Councillor!” Tweeting style: Unabashedly disdainful! On Twitter since: August 8, 2011 Number of followers: 73 Sample Tweet: “Done! Now for a leisurely drive home along Dundas, and a long bath to wash off the grease I used to slip out of Kristyn’s questions. #topoli” Handle: @MayorNPhillips (aka Nathan Phillips) Bio: “The Ghost of Toronto’s first modern mayor…at your Civil Service!” Tweeting style: Mostly earnest; occasionally baffling. On Twitter since: December 4, 2010 Number of followers: 145 Sample Tweet: “Finally heard this @JoshMatlow radio thingamajig. I haven’t been this entertained since The Grand Ol’ City Hall Opry of ’39!”
