Democracy seems somewhat defunct when it’s possible to win a majority government with less than a majority of the votes, particularly when voters are more lethargic than ever. While polls indicate today’s election might put an end to a two-decade trend of declining voter turnout, that doesn’t mean our democracy still couldn’t use some bolstering. To my mind, more people would vote if the televised debates had included a song and dance component.
If Toronto’s mayoralty race featured such, I’m not sure Rob Ford would have run away with it the way he did. More likely, Joe Pantalone would have clinched it. Joe likes to shake it up as if he was at a ecstasy-fuelled rave, waving his hands around in a cross between charades and animated sign language, while Adam Giambrone was only good for one move and that was the running man. Giorgio Mammoliti strikes me as type of homo erectus that likes to see other people dancing, especially around a pole, which is in keeping with his recent proposal to legalize brothels on Toronto Island, but I digress.
As we head to the polls today, I’ve been disappointed that there hasn’t been more rump shaking from the federal candidates. Michael Ignatieff did briefly get down, but that was back in July when he visited Toronto for the Caribana festival and did the island boogie with a woman on the sidewalk outside MuchMusic. Mostly he danced as though on a step machine, but then for a brief moment he looked like he was actually enjoying himself, daydreaming of coconut-scented island hedonism. Considering that Stephen Harper proved long ago he cannot dance and it’s understandable he has gone instead for theBill Clinton Effect; rather than play the sax, however, he likes to tickle the ivories and sing classic pop tunes like Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” or “The Seeker” by The Who, as witnessed at the 2010 Conservative caucus Christmas party. I’m sure there wasn’t a dry conservative lady in the house, although the rest of us might have felt a little frigid for watching it. There is no doubt that this political minstrel act has upped his ante against the other party leaders. His rivals must have for a moment wondered what instrument they might take up.
Jack Layton doesn’t strike me as having a musical hair in his moustache, but with the right coaching could probably pull off a reasonable rap or human beat-box, much like Karl Rove did at a 2007 Correspondents dinner. Gilles Duceppe seems a bit like lost musical cause, but for all we know he could be a private dancer and like nothing more than a Flashdance behind closed doors. Canada’s last good dancing leader was probably the late Pierre Trudeau, though John Chretien was reputed, especially in his younger days, of being able to cut some carpet. Pierre did have the advantage of the disco 1970s as a cultural backdrop before the preppy ’80s put the kibosh on such free-spirited moves in public.
Today, a bad dance can ruin a campaign, much like Robert Stanfield’s famously fumbled football. But once voted in it seems you can get away with whatever you like. Former Russian President Boris Yeltsin started dancing like a drunken circus bear whenever he so much as heard music. When George W. did his South African wobble dance, or entertained waiting journalists on the steps of the White House with a quick shuffle, I have to admit I kind of liked the guy.
I suspect if you want a leader who knows how to have a good time, then Harper is your man. At least he doesn’t suffer from seeming self-conscious. If this campaign proved anything, Michael Ignatieff needs to loosen up still more. I’m not saying he should do the moonwalk like the Romanian politician Edmond Talmacean. Michael just has to learn how to carry a tune, or maybe play the spoons at a Liberal fundraising dinner. We’d all like him a whole lot more.
