Ride or DIY Bitch: Christmas Crackers

You don't want your friends to think you're some Type-A Martha Stewart, so why not make some Toronto Standard-approved Christmas crackers, full of fun things?

The holidays are a time of family, friends, gluttony, wastedness, and tradition, and what combines all that better than a good old-fashioned dinner party? Nothing. This season, gift your grown-ass dinner guests Toronto Standard's version of the traditional Christmas cracker, filled with stuff they actually want (like, not a set of mini screwdrivers or a Thumbelina-sized deck of cards). What you need: - Ribbons - Paper towel rolls (we found ours by going through someone else's recycling, true story!) - Paper for wrapping, not to be confused with actual wrapping paper, which is like, so bougie (we used the escort pages from the back of NOW) - Tape - Little presents! Suggested: friendship bracelets, mini bottles of nail polish ($27 for a set of six, Sephora), mini bottles of Innisklin ice wine ($7 from Wine Rack), nipple clamps with bells ($22, Come As You Are), balloons (any dollar store), Silly Bandz, personalized fortunes (make them up your damn self), balloons, temporary tattoos, soda-flavoured lip balm ($5.99 for a set of six, Winners), prescription drugs (kidding!) (not kidding). 1) Put the tiny gifts inside the crackers. It doesn't matter what these gifts are, as long as it's small and fun (see above). 2) Grab your paper for wrapping. It should be cut in a rectangular shape and wider than your paper towel roll (so you can tie off the ends). Keeping all the innards stable, tape your paper to the paper towel roll. 3) Once it's taped, roll the paper around the paper towel roll. 4) That was hard! Pour yourself a glass of wine, and drink it. 5) Once the wine's finished, tie off the open ends of the cracker with your ribbon or rope. We used both from the scraps section of Mokuba (577 Queen St. W). Make sure they look pretty, but not too pretty (because you don't want to appear like some Type-A Martha Stewart). And that's it. Merry Christmas, crackers! Jessica Carroll is Toronto Standard's editorial assistant.

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