Like pop music, reality B-stars, and H&M collabs, words get old–and in today’s breakneck world, they age faster and more irreversibly than ever. Translation: there are words and phrases we hear almost every day that are the equivalent of wearing a pager on your hip (and yeah, there are people who still do that) (ed note: by people, do we mean drug dealers?). So, to usher in a brand new year, here’s my list of Anglo no-nos: the words we’ve repeated til they’ve lost all sense, turning into slush. The list’s a mix of hardcore re-offenders and words that should never have made it off the starting grid. I?m crossing my fingers and hoping that with your diligent help, we can see, at the very least, their usage somewhat moderated in 2012. 1. Staycation. A post-“recessionista” verb-jingle that polluted topical travel stories in the hundreds. It?s a word that told us, “It?s not a log cabin in the wilderness with no running water; it?s a staycation.” It’s a word that said, “You’re not just at home in sweatpants drinking vodka and Evian and watching Teen Mom for 24 hours straight; you’re staycationing.” And it’s a word that, while fun for a month, didn’t wear well. I?ll stay home and thrash out a game of Caban with you anytime, but don’t tell me it?s a decent trade-off for Cabo. Alternatives: Netflix adventurer, Greyhound voyager, micro-explorer.* 2. Foodie. Everyone knew this was coming. Using “foodie” in public these days is like whipping out your Razr. The word was supposed to unite people with more than a passing interest in food, but then, who doesn’t have more than a passing interest in food? This should have been used as sparingly as salt, and like salt, it gets my blood pressure up. Let’s all pass on this–forever. Alternatives: active digestion enthusiast, hunger-phobe, glutton. 3. Influencer. Easily one of the most overused words of the year, right along with “tastemaker” and “maven.” While it might have meant something in the primitive (a.k.a. pre-2010) days of social media marketing, it’s become the new “VIP:” that word in a party invitation that makes it so, so easy to say no. Alternatives: decision magnet, experiential advisor, high-end pusher. 4. Guru, Evangelist, Innovator… Let?s just call this all Link-o: internet-friendly, New Age-y job descriptions that no one really understands, or wants to, and almost always come dressed in more jargon. You’re not just a guru; you’re a “brand guru.” A “web 2.0 innovator.” A “social media evangelist.” Granted, it’s taken on faith that no one born more than 10 years before you really gets how you make money, but over-jingoizing your Millennial status and skills makes even people your own age go “okay, but what do you really do?” Alternatives: unemployed Tumblrer. 5. Buzzword. The definitive word for this list is so ugh, I feel icky even writing about it. “Buzzword” was, for a time, the ultimate term for something everyone was already saying (see #1 through 4). In the years to come, it will be remembered as more embarrassing than holding your thumb and forefinger to your head to signal “call me.” Alternatives: verbal infection, word of the second, the word which must not be named. 6. Tweeple. Really, any hybrid involving the Tw- prefix (ed note: a portwanteau? Sorry!) is bad news. It’s awkward and inadvisable to say out loud, for one. For two, it makes banal things (Tweet-ups, Twips) sound obnoxiously cute, but in a way that makes you want to box them up and FedEx them to a dangerous foreign location without a return address. Alternatives: uh, people? *Please note that my alternatives are humourous in nature, and the 9th gate of hell will open if you use them in actual correspondence with me. JJ Thompson is a man about town with a camera in one hand and a pen in the other. He is the founder of popular events site The Compendium Daily; follow @CompendiumDaily for the site and @jjtho for the man.
