Gone are the days when good beds were good beds, extra pillows were luxuries, and telephones were decidedly not colourful orgasms of designer hand-knit crochet. No longer are hotel guests thrilled to discover that Keith Moon, drummer for The Who, once nailed their room’s furniture to the ceiling. Nowadays, that sort of thing is only Kool if Karl does it. It’s official: luxury hotels are the latest to embrace fashion’s takeover of all things culture.

The who’s who (and even some of the “who’s that?”) of fashion designers have added hotelier to their resumes. More than epileptic episodes of cash-and-run branding, these new hotspots have designers tackling everything from themed suites to bespoke bathrobes– some more traditional than others. The eccentrics include Christian Lacroix and his three Parisian properties, which boast trompe-l’oeil “genuine fake” wallpaper that imitates bookshelves in the lobby, suites with textured cowhide wallpaper, and wall-to-wall carpet that resembles medieval paving stones. From the outside, one of his hotels is disguised as a bakery (you know how much fashion folk heart those).

Donatella Versace, unsurprisingly, kicks up the kitsch with her “Palazzo Versace” resort, spanning an 18-mile stretch of beach on Australia’s Gold Coast. Hallways showcase the late Gianni Versace’s artwork, vaulted ceilings are hand-painted with gold, and the finest marble floors flaunt the Versace logo in millions of square tiles. “A vast chandelier looms like the mother ship in Close Encounters,” says one tourist of the lobby’s 750kg antique stunner. The hotel promiscuously pumps its own signature fragrance into the air, room keys are hot pink, and even bathroom products and crystal glasses at the mini-bar are Versace. Of course, once the branded-everything has you intoxicated silly, you can purge your wallet at the Versace Boutique.

“Fashion designers . . . design rooms that people look good in,” says American fashion-turned-hotel designer Todd Oldham. And the proof is in the Prada pudding (joking, but would you be surprised?) at some of the tamer fashion hotels. Ralph Lauren’s Round Hill Hotel and Villas in Jamaica represents his brand with timeless white stone floors, mahogany bamboo four-poster beds, and plush furnishing from the Ralph Lauren Home Collection. Oscar de la Renta’s Tortuga Bay Villas in Punta Cana were inspired by his Dominican heritage. His classic designs include coralline stone baths, cheery yellow walls, cream upholstery, and beds with handmade canopies.

Of course, designers decorate the employees to match the décor. Sophie Theallet, 2009 winner of the coveted CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Award, just debuted slinky wrap dress uniforms for Gramercy Park Hotel’s Rose Bar and Gramercy Terrace staffers. The dresses are scarlet, inspired by the bar’s pool table for, you know, that snooker-chic look. Thompson Hotels’ 6 Columbus in New York sourced denim brand Rag & Bone to outfit employees; Stylist Rachel Zoe and designer Jenni Kayne collaborated on the Thompson Beverly Hills‘ uniforms; and Hotel Le Bleu in Brooklyn partnered with Vans to shod staff in two styles of low-top sneakers.

So when’s haute coming to a hotel near you? The new Trump International Hotel & Tower Toronto opens in a few weeks with a stylish outlook. Although lacking a designer collaboration, the hotel’s signature restaurant will feature artwork inspired by “vogue fashions of the 1950s and 1960s” against a backdrop of fabric-paneled walls, coffered ceilings with plaster moldings, and windows draped in sheer cream with an overlay of black-on-black raised velvet damask. Ivanka Trump personally designs (like the Kardashians write their own books) “fashion-forward” staff uniforms for all Trump Hotels. Female concierges wear lightweight wool three-piece suits in cool charcoal; their male counterparts are outfitted in European-cut suits with peak pinstripe lapels and trousers featuring a watch pocket. Doormen wear heavy Italian wool herringbone coats and two-toned jackets with off-centre closures.

Opus Hotels, known for flirting with fashion, commissioned Canadian shoe designer John Fluevog to create a dandy porter shoe with “a bit of cheek and a wink of fun.” The special edition shoes are crafted of Italian Analine Leathers (black patent and dark pink to match Opus’ strong colour décor) and branded with “OPUS Hotels” on the inner sole. Guests can even order a pair via the mini-bar menu (recommended, if your company’s footing the bill).

The Thompson Toronto just announced a new partnership with local designers Kirk Pickersgill and Stephen Wong of Greta Constantine. The duo designed lipstick-red cocktail dresses in their signature draped jersey for the Lobby Bar’s female staff. This isn’t the Thompson’s first tryst with Canadian designers; the hotel has also commissioned “uniforms” from Jeremy Laing (Rooftop Lounge) and Bustle (front desk, concierge, bellmen, and The Counter). “It’s definitely a Laing dress, done in my aesthetic and not compromised… although I did have to lower the necklace a little, because the girls have to make tips, and I guess that’s how they do it,” Laing quipped to the publication formerly known as Eye Weekly (in an article by now-Style Editor of this daily). Haute Hooters, anyone?

Eleven Canadian fashion designers are getting a shot at interior design via Freed Development’s Fashion House condos, currently under construction on King West. Slated for occupation in February 2013, each floor will have a custom “Runway to Hallway” common space designed by a Toronto-elite group: Joeffer Caoc, Greta Constantine, Laing, Smythe, Andy The-Anh, and Bustle. “Our direction will draw on vintage sport influences, which is very Bustle,” creative director Shawn Hewson tells me. “But of course, we’ll have to translate our aesthetic into something that works from an interior design perspective… This has to be something people are going to appreciate and want to see on a daily basis.”

For designers, these collaborations make for great brand exposure, while hotels get to tout their “in-ness.” Guests are spared motel-esque monotony; waitresses can serve up cleavage, er, cocktails in style; and suites have better names than most movies. At the end of the day, no one’s been gassed by a signature scent (yet), and it all seems pretty hunky-dory in a we-hate-reality, bedazzle-away-the-pain kind of way. Hewson agrees: “I think that when it comes to design generally, the borders are blurring… bringing together creative minds from different design disciplines, puts us in a position to produce an even better and more creative product.”

A creative product, yes. A higher profit, too. The bottom-line benefit: visitors living and breathing in, what are essentially, big-box advertisements made to quickly transfer product values while charging premium prices. Warhol wallpaper and on-trend toilets aside, these bespoke-and-switch operations don’t want guests just for the night; they’re designed to create consumers for life.

Sabrina Maddeaux is a Toronto Standard style writer who hates a lot of trends. Follow her on Twitter at @sabrinamaddeaux.