Illustration by Tiffy Thompson
The last time I Googled myself at work with the safe search off I was thankful that my computer was facing the wall. A quick Google search of my full name, ‘Tiffany Thompson’ yields 3,940,000 results. In 17 seconds I see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.
The first result for ‘Tiffany Thompson’ runs tandem with ‘cumming marathon, dildo, sex, teen, babe, oral’. Sharing a name with a quasi-popular porn star is only mildly disconcerting. I bear no resemblance to her whatsoever. I have bangs and wear pants most of the time.
As I scroll down the laundry list of Tiffany’s most recent work, I see she has an avid following and a fan-page. I wonder if she writes the captions herself. It is a daily meditation on tweaking her own pert, pink nipples. My fan-page activities would be far less salacious; “Tiffany zones out to the Food network while sexily gnawing her hangnails.” “Tiffany has been wearing the same jeans for four acrid days,” etc.
Other notable Tiffany Thompsons include a Nashville singer-songwriter and some chick that aspires to convert a 4-litre milk jug into a child’s lunch box (I still don’t get Pinterest.) I cannot find myself at all in the first few dozen pages. If reality is relative to the individual, this surely throws my very existence into question. This led me to becoming simply ‘Tiffy Thompson’ online. This obnoxious rebranding has freed me from my shameful Geocities past, as well as from my perky porno doppelganger.
Googling yourself is a bustling exercise in narcissistic indulgence.
Micheal Naphan, a Toronto-based filmmaker, admits to having ‘ego-surfed’. He feels badly for the ‘other’ Mike Naphan because he considers himself to be the crazy one. “I feel worse for him – for all the things I have planned to release onto the web.” Having a presence on multiple sites (Vimeo, Twitter, IMDb) has awarded him dominion over the search results.
Stéphane Vera (AKA Teknostep), a producer/dj/composer based in Toronto, Googles himself occasionally. Mostly out of curiosity and for keeping tabs on copyright violations (he’s had his music stolen and used as ringtones). He accepts a certain degree of piracy as inevitable. In the past, he has sought out the other Stéphane Vera from the search results. He was also from France and into jazz drumming, the two follow each other’s careers.
And the masses Googling him? “I know that there are haters on the internet. Some people might hate me just by looking at some labels I’ve worked on or music that I’ve done. There’s a lot of jealousy in this business. You can’t control it. And if they are negative about you they are probably negative about a lot of things online. I just don’t take it personally.”
Amanda Mana Fleury, a 20-something graphic designer, has often Googled herself. “I wanted to see if my website/brand shows up prominently or if I’m being portrayed as a radical or what. I did a lot of social activism in my teens. I know that if someone is looking for me as a designer they most likely will “Google” me and I’ve tried to keep a professional facade out in the digital landscape.”
Our omniscient overlords at Google know all about our furtive navel gazing, hence the invention of Google profile. It gives you a modicum of control over the first entries that people will see when they Google you. Set up like a facebook profile, it contains certain privacy settings so you can edit yourself to only the most flattering information. You can also request that questionable material be taken out of search results. Google, it seems, creates the flimsy perception that we can control how others will perceive us.
Fleury contends that the future inevitably involves seeing ourselves through Google’s eyes. “The reality is that if someone wants to know about someone else they don’t take a book out on them in the library anymore – they jump on a computer and “Google” their name instead. How many people have you creeped on Facebook after learning their name? It’s human curiosity to learn about things that interest us. There’s a feeling of it not being so intrusive when it’s information that’s on the Internet… that whole anonymous vibe makes it seem acceptable when in reality, we’re sleuthing and spying.”
Naphan enjoys a hearty hi-tech spy-tech session as well. The only other person he has taken a continued interest in Googling is his nemesis, a “hockey player asshole whom I’ve known since childhood. I’ve always had a strange fascination with his life and exploits. I found it a strange experience being able to glimpse into his life from a point of remote voyeurism. I could judge him for the sparse articles about his unsuccessful hockey career, but I’m not one to do that. I found it more sad, and tried to imagine the disappointment he must feel.”
Do we Google ourselves from the vantage point of an unseen nemesis? A potential employer? An ex? Is Google the panopticon that will usurp how we see ourselves?
Naphan sums it up: “It’s an individual’s search for place and solid standing in the content insane asylum of the internet…a kind of obituary of notable appearances and accomplishments. It is, in a way, the psychic database of ones existence. How will you be remembered? Google yourself.”
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