Everyday we see thousands of faces. But what are the stories behind those faces? Kathleen Phillips gives her best estimate.

Photo by Kristan Klimczak

Weegie – Everyone Knows Its Weegie!

When you see Weegie pass your way, be sure to give Weegie a Weegie-wave! Not with your hand! Wave with your bum! Don’t be embarrassed it’s all in good fun. Weegie’s irrevrant! Weegie loves red! Weegie has a new thing on his head! Weegie is cool like, James dean style – pokin’ a smoke ‘tween that Weegie smile! Weegie never worries, Weegie’s Weelaxed! Weegie never hurries, Weegies Weelaxed! Weegie goes along with a cheerful air, stopping to wave his bum in the air! “Hello, everyone! Hello over there!” Where’s Weegie going? Nobody knows! Where’s Weegie from? Nobody knows! Is he alright? Nobody knows.

Sanda Balecscu – Place Child Here?

Sanda, The Child Minder offers a fun and nurturing environment for children to behave themselves. Sanda has many years experience working with children in a de-lousing facility in Romania. Sanda’s uncle who raised her always said, “The key to white bones and no ringworm is a diet rich in brine!” Sanda provides meals for nourishment. At Sanda’s house there is a cat (Tonka) who is in another room and is not permitted agitate the children’s allergies. The children who do not have allergies are permitted to visit Tonka, feed her scraps and promptly wash their hands. Sanda specializes in persuading young ones to stop soiling their pants.

Helen and Russ Berube – Zine Weavers.

Helen and Russ have been burning the candles at both ends. The biggest counter-culture DIY festival in North America is around the corner and these two zine-stars have a table booked! The busy Berube’s are the authors, artists and publishers behind “Mortal Shred”, a zine dedicated to the “Superannuated Underground.” The couple spends countless hours writing, clipping, glue- sticking and shlepping to Kinkos. Helen is convinced the effort is worth it, “We were recently voted Zine of the month in STINK! – A lovely surprise indeed!”Russ is pleased about the good STINK! press, but insists that he won’t rest in peace until “Readers Digest is twitchin’ in their britches’… or Helen passes. God forbid.”

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Kathleen Phillips is a writer and comedian based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @kathophillips.

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