I barely had to leave my office to get a picture of a condo under construction
Everybody knows Toronto is condo crazy: We’re condo clinically insane! You can’t walk down the street without seeing a new condo wrestling it’s way out of the ground like a worm, willing itself into the stratosphere and spilling it’s tangible modernity into our public spaces. It’s CONDOMONIUM — like pandemonium, but with condominiums! The people of this city just can’t seem to get enough of that modern urban luxury lifestyle (MULL). Some people think that we’re building too many condos too quickly and that it’s only a matter of time before demand dries up, but developers — you know, the people who build and sell condos — don’t think so. What are we to make of all these condos? Is all this development good for the city? Can’t somebody offer some kind of sweeping blanket judgment we can drape over this complex nuanced issue? That’s where we come in.
Welcome to Condo Bubble Death Watch.
With condo news making headlines on a regular basis, overwhelming your information skylines like giant steel obelisks impregnating the clouds of your consciousness, our brilliant and experienced Urban Business analysts excavate the latest local development industry stories and build 800 parking spaces of insight underneath them. Condo Bubble Death Watch is here to set the record straight with very serious discussions that Toronto’s condo stakeholders don’t want you to hear. We’re fighting for regular Torontonians like you and we won’t stop until we wipe the oily condo bubble residue from our chins (which will be the part of our bodies most covered in slime because that’s what we lead with so they will be closest to the bubble when it bursts).
Here’s the latest from the City of Tor-condo:
At a community council meeting this week, Beach residents met city councilors to rally against a proposed six-storey condo to be built in place of a Lick’s Hamburger restaurant. Residents are worried the proposed glass building would threaten the neighbourhood’s charm. Claiming the area is “welcome[s] new development,” Beach resident Jason Self said, “What we’re concerned with is this will be precedent setting.”
What other news sources didn’t report was that the precendent the not-anti-development residents were afraid of was the precedent of development. Also, after cornering a visibly shaken Beach resident into a corner at City Hall, this reporter got Beach residents to admit they are concerned about the precedent of having to “drive a lot further to get to a Lick’s [Hamburger restaurant].”
Participants at Bloomberg’s Canada Economic Summit asked that the rhetoric surrounding the bubble be toned down, with Gordon Nixon, CEO of Royal Bank of Canada, saying that, “there might be pockets of vulnerability but we remain quite comfortable.”
CBDW has learned that other participants – responding to on-going concerns about quality of construction in new condos that have dogged the industry since plates of balcony glass shattered and rained shards on the streets below last year- asked critics to “cool it.” The summit released a statement saying, “Put it in perspective: Would you rather have to dodge falling glass every time you left your condominium, or would you rather be a building who can’t see because your glasses keep falling off?
NDP MPP Rosario Marchese says Toronto condo owners need more protection saying, “The fact of the matter is that the Condominium Act doesn’t have any consumer protection whatsoever.” He’s introduced a private members bill to Queen’s Park asking that, among other things, property managers be licensed to ensure a certain level of quality.
In an exclusive hour-long, very real, interview with CBDW, Marchese explained his reasoning for introducing the bill. “Condo owners are literally incapable of taking care of themselves,” Marchese inferred with a concerned look. He went on to not-say-but-suggest, “That’s why most new condos offer luxury amenities like gyms, party rooms, indoor pools, concierge services, extensive parking, etc.. These folks – despite wanting to feel like they’re living in the middle of the action – are basically scared of leaving their homes. These vulnerable bourgeois land-owners have not been coddled enough.”
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Michael Kolberg is a writer/comedian who writes for Toronto Standard. Follow him on Twitter at @mikeykolberg
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