Illustration by Tiffy Thompson

A dog park is essentially a playground with occasional humping. It’s a world in and of itself where people are known via relation to their dogs (e.g. Henry’s owner, Marzipan’s owner). It is an elaborate pan-species nursery that has its own unspoken rules and protocols. Here’s a primer.

Don’t be a Saturday dog owner

If you kept your kid in a cardboard box and took him out once a week, he’d be a little socially inept.

“There’s a lot of people that’ll be in the park on a beautiful day and they’ll see people with dogs and think it will be great to get a dog but don’t understand how much goes into owning a dog  – and the time, effort, attention, training and everything else that they need,” explains Jason Squires, owner of The Dog Bowl on Dundas. “Then those people end up getting into a little bit of a problem because they didn’t spend any time with the dog. When they do take the dog to the park, it hasn’t been socialized, it hasn’t had the opportunity to develop skills that it needs to be in a dog park.”

The owner will often get frustrated at the dog for their behavior, not realizing that the onus is on them to socialize the dog. If you can’t hold up your side of the bargain, don’t get a pet.

Pick up all the poop      

There is usually a vocal opposition to shirking your poop removal duties. “If someone were urinating on your house in the alleyway, of course you would say something to them,” says Squires.  A simple shaming is usually sufficient.

“People will say “Hey! Your dog dropped a deuce over there!”, says Kerry Potts, owner of Henry Rollins, a Scottie-Westie mix. Leaving it around and hoping no one will notice will only ruin your shoes in the long run. “The worst part of the non-poo-picker-uppers is the Spring thaw. So many of these dicks trust in snowfall to cover their sins of stool, but come Spring, and the parks and woods runneth over,” says Samantha Bennett, a professional dog walker. 

Chill out

“Inevitably there are fights. Dogs behave differently than humans do, they always will and they’re going to act in a way we don’t understand. Just like they don’t understand how we interact. They interact via making themselves look bigger and stronger,” notes Squires. “Fortunately, a good portion of the dogs understand who is the alpha male and who isn’t. But then the odd one will want to challenge it and you end up with a fight. I find a lot of owners tend to heighten the situation by diving into the situation. 90% of the time the fight is over in 30 seconds and they go their separate ways. If it ever gets beyond that, it’s rare that it gets to a point where it’s dangerous. The owners start screaming and it just creates more chaos.” Try not to have a meltdown, your dog ultimately takes cues from you.

Get them fixed

A significant portion of the fights tend to be at the paws of unneutered males. The common recommendation is that they be kept on leash for at least a year, until they are neutered. Testosterone adds fuel to the firestorm of alpha dominance displays. Curb it early on through neutering and minimize altercations.

Vive la différence!

There are certain preconceptions about small dogs and big dogs. Certain dog parks have regulations dividing them up. “Henry used to be used as a soccer ball by bigger dogs that want to play,” says Potts. “Now he’s 20 lbs and holds his own around big dogs. There are small dog zones, you can take your small dog into the big dog park areas, but not the other way around.”

“Dogs are as varied in personality as people,” adds Bennett. “The stereotypes hold true to a certain extent: smaller dogs hyper, yappy, territorial. Big dogs calmer, no yap. There is a dog who frequents my dog park, a lovely Golden Retriever in his middle years named Grady. He regulates his play, customizes it to his playmate. If the dog is curious about him but nervous, Grady is gentle, feigning subservience so the other dog gains confidence. Yesterday I watched him with a teen Labrador named Chloe, who is hyper, demanding and inconsiderate. Grady raced around with her, allowing himself to be rolled over in an 8-pawed free-for-all, until she nipped too hard, whereupon he would flip back onto his feet, turn her over on her back and hold her down, much to her surprise. Within minutes he had an adoring girlfriend for life.”

Humping

Generally, unsolicited humping is laughed off and halted, hopefully before anyone gets pregnant. “Its sort of like PDA’s in human life, where you see how much of this you can tolerate. Generally, I don’t want my dog humped,” says Potts. Humping, while no doubt psychologically distressing for the humpee, is relatively easy to disband. “I once watched three miniature poodles latch themselves onto the legs of a small girl who was laughing and squealing so much she fell over,” Bennett remarks. “Rather than deter them, this caused one of the buggers to attempt a face-hump, a challenging endeavor at the best of times. I was too helpless with laughter to be of much help, but the kid’s Mother did finally dart in and rescue her.”

 Speak Up to Lousy Parents

“Unlike with parenting with a kid, most people would never dare go tell a parent how to parent their kid, especially if they don’t know them,” says Glenn Thomson, owner of a whippet/pit bull/Australian shepherd mix.  “On the other hand, in a dog park, if someone doesn’t agree with the way someone else is training or something with your dog, they tend to be very outspoken about it. More on the level of, say if anyone at the dog park saw someone hitting their dog there would be an automatic backlash… a mob mentality. It’s just not something that’s acceptable at a dog park.”

Bennett feels that a courteous but direct approach when dealing with problem owners is key. “I intervene all the time in dog parks, city streets, anywhere. If I see someone constantly yanking on a leash, jerking and snapping the dog’s head back, my first reaction is ‘Excuse me, fuckwad, but your power-tripping bullshit is confusing and upsetting this beast you claim to love.’ Strangely, I have found this does not work, so opt for the milder ‘You know, it is frustrating sometimes, is it not, when your dog does not listen to you? I have found that consistency and a firm voice works quite well, and will make life easier for you both. May I show you?’”

Be Social – Pay Attention

The culture of the dog park is usually very friendly. “It’s a good excuse for strangers to talk to each other,” says Thomson. “It usually opens up like, ‘what kind of dog do you have?’ I met a lot of people that normally I wouldn’t have socialized with in any other setting. Most people you meet there are ‘dog park friends’. There were a couple of people I met at the dog park that I’d hang out with outside the dog park.”

It’s easy to get caught up in fun banter and forget that your pet is running amok. “A lot of people are not paying attention to their dog, it’s a sort of lax attitude and just free rein to ignore the dog while they chat for an hour,” mentions Potts. This can be a problem when you are faced with the on-leash/off-leash debate.

“Most of the fighting or bickering that occurs — it’s the classic dog-owner/non-dog-owner. Theres always going to be people that like dogs and theres always going to be people that don’t like dogs and I don’t think that’s ever going to change,” says Squires.  “Theres always going to be nagging people and people that don’t nag. I don’t think more policing is going to change that. If everyone tries to understand where the other person is coming from that usually helps. If you’re just courteous. If everyone was courteous there wouldn’t be a problem.”

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