Max Karpinccho, a disgraced former K-car race champion and moonshine whiskey enthusiast, and Bolt Lundgren, infamous playboy and known cheat, face off yet again to put their longtime racing rivalry to rest. We sit down with Max and Bolt to see how serious they really are about winning the race of a lifetime.
TS: We know that this whole competition is about putting the pedal to the metal. Which of these tactics best describes your strategy for the race?
– Intellect, putting Aristotle to the throttle
– Ferocity, putting Ally McBeal to the wheel
– Brawn, putting Thor to the Door
– Sex Appeal, putting R. Kelly to the (remix to) Ignition
Max: Have you SEEN my choice in turtlenecks? Sex appeal. Clearly. My K-Car runs on 60% gasoline, 30% Karpinccho man musk, and 10% centaur tears.
Bolt: You want my STRATEGY?! I’m no dummy, I’m not giving the secret sauce away for free. I’ll tell you if you throw me a 6 pack of Crazy Canuck Pale Ale.
Max: These questions are so easy- Dale Earnhardt Sr., the Intimidator.
Bolt: I’m my own role model. I’m just waiting for the sponsorship calls to start rolling in once I clear my name of Karpinccho’s lies.
TS: While driving, what do you listen to get pumped up?
Max: When I’m in the starting line, it’s probably no surprise that I get revved up by listening to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”, that’s just a given. Then once I hit top speeds, I keep the blood pumping “Born to Run” by none other than The Boss. Now the next part is key, I get in the zone with G’n’R’s “November Rain”. Every race I’ve ever won I’ve crossed the finish line listening to Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me”.
Bolt: All Pantera, all the time. No particular song, just cranked up to 11. You can’t listen to it any other way.
TS: What does winning this showdown mean to you?
Max: This is the race where I get my pride back, and show everyone that when Bolt’s not cheating, my grandmother could do donuts around him. Also, if I win, Trixie said she’ll finally let me take her to see Monster Jam. No one looks as good in an American Flag bikini as that Trixie.
Bolt: All I hear from that wimp is how I cheated. He’s got no proof, it’s not my fault he handles his K-Car like a shopping cart. When I cream him this time, maybe he’ll get the hint and finally start leaving the future Mrs Trixie Lundgren alone.
TS: Any words for your opponent?
Max: I’ll keep it classy and just say that victory will remember the righteous (and Bolt’s a no good, dirty liar. Sure, he wears that Pantera t-shirt, but he doesn’t own a single album)
Bolt: Eat my dust, loser. You’re about as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
TS: Choose one: the DeLorean form Back to the Future, the Batmobile, Ryan Gosling’s Chevrolet Impala from Drive, or James Bond’s Aston Martin from Goldfinger?
Max: None of the above. General Lee from the Dukes of Hazard.
Bolt: The DeLorean, hands down, so I can keep on going back in time to see the look on Karpinccho’s face when I beat him again. Bet you a shot of Wild Turkey Whiskey he cries this time around.
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This post was sponsored by Kijiji
