It’s all too possible to care about local politics while totally ignoring the provincial by-elections, coming to a polling station you won’t go to August 1. There are forms you can fill out to have anyone who follows these by-elections committed to an insane asylum. Here’s why they don’t matter.
The Liberals will remain in a minority position regardless of what happens. All that can change is perception and minor jockeying. There are some implications from this, since arguably this constitutes all that politics is. But even if it decided outright who governed Ontario, we’re still picking hangmen. Even if it matters, it doesn’t matter. None of the parties are fit to govern, and they are our only options. Ultimately, the only thing preserving any semblance of political optimism I’ve got is the fact that only one party at a time has the power to commit abominations.
The Liberals have rebranded after McGuinty. Political parties put their interest ahead of that of the citizens. I make such a trite observation only because they did it again last week. A legally binding transit plan agreement between Metrolinx, a provincial agency, and the City of Toronto blew up. To explode, this bomb required two keys to turn. Ford was Ford, but the province was all too willing to alter the deal since their important riding was perceived to be getting only second-class transit. No, better to give all Toronto second-rate transit than explain to Scarborough why what they were supposed to receive was excellent and sensible. The plan was for LRTs to be constructed across the city, not just in Scarborough, but these poltroon politicians couldn’t take Scarborough’s flak. All they talked about was what “Scarborough deserves.” The Liberals didn’t demand subways out loud, preferring to let council decide, but the right thing to do was remind council that they had decided already! Ford is set on blowing up this city, but the Grits didn’t also have to turn their key.
The NDP’s Adam Giambrone was the former commissioner of the TTC who secured over $8-billion for LRTs in areas of the city underserved by transit, and also presided over the city’s largest bus expansion ever. But now that he’s running in Scarborough-Guildwood, he’s unwilling to explicitly state the opinion everyone knows he holds, that LRTs are better. There, anything less than subways are second-rate. At least Hudak championed Scarborough subways up front, and Conservative Scarborough contender Ken Kirupa obviously parrots the line. Good, I like my stupidity transparent. This is how low the bar is.
Everything else is standard sniping. The Liberals were accused of playing dirty for selecting the onset of a summer long weekend to hold the election, as if the Conservatives and NDP are morally above this, not because their lack of power gives them no opportunity for such slimy prudence. The Conservatives launched attack ads on TV blaming the Liberals for the gas plants, to which the Liberals responded by criticizing the greasy American-style attack ads. Of course, they are both right. The non-contender NDP will finagle whatever concessions they can in their perennially neutered state.
Over to Etobicoke-Lakeshore, where by-elections mean so little that the parties can’t even find some too-eager kid from the UN club to campaign for them, so the actual adult candidates go door-to-door themselves. Let them waste time, it’s not like any of them are city councillors. Except for deputy mayor Doug Holyday and Peter Milczyn. (They are both on leave from council during the race, but still, what other profession could you so easily step in and out of?) Liberals dominate Toronto, so Conservatives hope high-profile Holyday get them in. But the race between these two councillors has more implications for Toronto than Ontario.
Both these city councillors are on Ford’s Executive Committee, so he is guaranteed to lose an ally. Ford doesn’t have a surplus of friendlies. He can’t just fill the position with an old football coach. Holyday is a veteran of 30 years’ experience. Notably he stood by Ford throughout the crack scandal. At the time, Holyday was frank there were questions that needed answering, but nobody could accuse him of throwing Rob under the bus. To come out of that situation without alienating Ford or enraging anti-Ford people speaks to his experience. And he’s loyal, therefore invaluable. Milczyn is comparatively dispensable. Ford vocally supported Holyday, perhaps reflexively, not considering that doing the most for his friend’s campaign (to many, his endorsement is an endorsement) might leave him without his crucial ally. If Milczyn loses he’ll return to Ford’s committee knowing the mayor didn’t support him, but that’s not even weirdest of all–Milczyn’s aide at city hall is working on his opponent Holyday’s campaign. She’s the president of the local PC riding association, and she joined Holyday’s team before Milczyn announced he was running. So, that’s weird.
The gods threw another bone to the politically devoted followers bored out of their minds watching these by-elections. Wednesday brought fresh chirping. Holyday posed with Hudak in front of a Toronto garbage truck, a prop apparently meant to remind everyone of when Holyday saved $1-million annually for Etobicoke by privatizing garbage. “He’s the kind of guy who protects the taxpayers pocket…we need that at Queen’s Park,” said Hudak, alluding to some gas plant thing. That Hudak believes such a blatant partisan cliché can be perceived as anything else and that discourse should be so low is insulting, yet it’s also such standard fare that of course he can’t be singled out. (I do think it’s important to state publicly that we deserve better, that what’s pathetic isn’t redeemed because everyone does it.) Anyway, Milczyn promptly accused Holyday of wasting tax dollars. The Conservatives claimed the truck came from a private company and wasn’t yanked off a route. Still, you can’t just call the garbage company and borrow a truck. Oh my god, call me when the adults arrive.
The other Ontario seats up for grabs are Windsor-Tecumseh, London West and Ottawa South, the last seat vacant after McGuinty himself resigned. To be his true replacement, a candidate must be shameless, desperate, and stingingly yet somehow gently condescending. How these large shoes get filled is a riveting Game of Thrones-esque cliff hanger we’re all dying to have revealed. I’ll stir up a sex scandal or plant drugs on a candidate myself if I’m forced to write about such boring crap even one more time. In a return to excitement, next week I check in with the plants of city hall’s green roof for in-depth coverage on what’s growing best mid-summer.
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Jeff Halperin is a Toronto-based writer. You can follow him on Twitter @JDhalperin.
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