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Rejected Fringe Shows
With Toronto Fringe Festival in full swing, we take a look at some of the titles that didn't make it to the stage

The Toronto Fringe Festival showcases some of the city’s most exciting emerging creative talents in the world of theatre. With over 130 shows at 26 venues across the city, it’s a feast for any lover of theatre and the arts. Fringe is known for giving new talents a chance to showcase their creativity to a broader audience, but for every production selected for the festival there are many others that remain unseen. Our sleuths here at Toronto Standard did some digging and discovered a cache of rejected Fringe Festival submissions and we present them here for you today:

Daily Drudgery

In an exciting experiment in audience participation, the cast leads the entire audience onto the crowded 501 streetcar at rush hour where they each listen to their own iPods and avoid eye contact with fellow passengers. Participants are free to get off at whatever stop they please. It explores the age-old question, “Is this a play?”

Condovia

This “quirky” “satire” takes the audience to the mythical world of Condovia, a once-perfect utopia populated by the humble, noble, intelligent, artistic, easy-going, bike-loving Wood Nimbys whose idyllic lives come under threat when the brutish Lord Deevil Eepor rains shards of glass on — okay, you know what, I’m going to stop you right there.

Good Sport

This unintentionally hilarious one-man show tells the tale of a Toronto sports fan’s struggle to tie the perfect noose. Presented by Telus Mobility.

Sunshine Girl

Zenobia, a busty young waitress trying to work her way through veterinary school, struggles to make ends meet in a the horrible, dangerous city of Toronto as it exists in the eyes of the Toronto Sun editorial board. As if fending off murderous gangs of rapists on her daily commute wasn’t enough, Zenobia has to bribe the commie death squad union members with untendered contracts to protect herself and her family from the ravenous tax-sucking vampires known only as “Pinkos.” Director Lorrie Goldstien says, “It would be racist if I DIDN’T highlight the fact that the murderers are all black.”

Righteous Indignation

Eschewing traditional notions of venue, this slow-burning drama plays out on the audience’s computer screens at home. Viewers are guided through comment sections of seemingly innocuous news stories online only to discover that these articles are the battleground on which the war over the very fate of humanity is being waged. With spelling so atrocious and logic so backwards, you won’t be able to look away. Buckle your seat belts, this one isn’t going away any time soon!

Requiem For a Rob Ford

A solitary actor stands on stage naked shouting “SUBWAYS! SUBWAYS! SUBWAYS!” at the top of her lungs leaving the audience embarrassed and cranky. Running time: 4 years.

____

Michael Kolberg is The Sprawl Editor at Toronto Standard. Follow him on Twitter for jokes @mikeykolberg

For more, follow us on Twitter at @torontostandard and subscribe to our Newsletter.

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