Ever had a moment when you wish your genitals were a little cleaner so as to not offend a lover? Did you and your seatmate decide to meet in the airplane lavatory to ensure your Mile High club card maintains active status? What about rushing from one client to another between hotel rooms, with no time to shower?
For any or all of these situations, you can now rejoice, as Playtex, they of plastic-applicator-up-the-hooch fame, have released their ‘Fresh & Sexyâ„¢’ wipes, to “help you freshen up, before and after sex.”
To show off their brand new line of wet wipes for your delicate bits, Playtex signed off on four tongue-in-cheek ads to promote staying clean down there. Cue frat-boy terms for sex & body parts: beaver, knob, pecker, peach. While the campaign obviously has money behind it (Grey New York’s advertising services ain’t cheap) and it’s catering to both female and male audiences, there’s really nothing new to the marketing, nor the product. Telling women that their vaginas are smelly? It’s been done. Calling them beavers? Done. Manufacturing a product that replaces basic soap & water? Done. Pissing off and alienating consumers? Done.
Image from the Playtex ad campaignI first heard of Fresh & Sexyâ„¢ wipes through Facebook. My first reaction was “cute, but do we really need another corporation telling women we’re filthy whores?” But then I got to thinking. Sometimes, these things may actually come in handy. And by ‘handy,’ I mean helpful like having real facial tissue in my shoulder bag instead of some restaurant napkin, or having my lip balm in my coat pocket and not at home on my desk. I am happier when I have these things, but I’ll not exasperate without them.
This is when I realized that if Grey – and therefore, Playtex – had played their cards right, the campaign would look a lot different.
Grey’s weak attempt was to take a more sophisticated play-on-words approach (vs something of the Coors Lite/Axe ilk), but it isn’t their biggest problem. The damaging blow was use of the word ‘before’ in the sell-line. ‘Before’ connotes that we’re too foul ahead of any kind of sexual play and the only way we’re going to get lucky is to use this product. Not a very nice message to send to your consumers. Should Playtex have only said “for after sex,” they may have been able to capitalize on the ohsopopular ‘hook up culture’ that has captured media’s fancy these days, as well as a large portion of the coveted 18-35 demographic (interestingly enough, Fresh & Sexy’s targeted demo is 25-44. Are they saying that the older we get, the smellier we become?). We should be seeing ‘Congratulations! Now clean up’ not ‘Ugh, better use one of these first.’
image from the Playtex ad campaignWith a change in attitude, I can see dispensers in university campuses and club restrooms, right next to the urinal TVs and condom dispensers, with ads declaring use “for when your night comes to an end.” I even see the “walk of shame” tagline put to better use. “For after sex” says “I just got down like a champ and now I’m gonna freshen up.” Much different than “My parts are filthy — come bang me in 5.” The continued rollout for the wipes does have ‘restaurant and bar sampling’ scheduled, but the original message isn’t going to change. We’ll still be told we’re just not clean enough to get laid the old fashioned way — having showered that day.
Another demographic I see needing using Fresh & Sexyâ„¢ is sex workers. It only makes sense. But is Playtex going to specifically cater to such a market? Not a chance.
Though I’d probably use one in a pinch (Mile High, remember?), I’m not a fan of being told I’ve got a filthy vagina, and I’m not the only one: the backlash has been brewing since the Fresh & Sexyâ„¢ launch. As expected (and if Grey knows what they’re doing, they would have expected it, too), people, especially women, aren’t too pleased with being told our pink bits are rank, and that the best way for us to get laid is to use something laced with a petroleum derivative. Since this isn’t the first time women have been told we won’t get lucky if our vaginas aren’t fresh, agencies better come up with a better way to shill their client’s product.
A peek at the Fresh & Sexyâ„¢ Facebook page shows it isn’t much more than a stream of negativity. I’ll give it to whomever is in charge of this page that they haven’t deleted any comments yet. Maybe they just don’t realize they can remove the option of public posting. If they do, it may just get worse — death by social media. (ChapStick, anyone?)
Fresh & Sexyâ„¢ did make a feeble attempt at confronting the horde by posting:
“We wanted to address the concerns that have been raised here on our official Facebook page and the Playtex Sport page. We hear you. We’re listening. We respect your opinions.
We do not believe women are unclean. We do not believe men are unclean either. We do, however, believe there is room for spontaneity to reenter their sex lives. Feeling confidently clean–both before and after sex–helps men and women be ready for anything.
Our purpose is not to shame bodies, but to celebrate moments. Yes, those moments.
Happy Valentine’s Weekend. Now go be a lovebird.”
With the inclusion of a discount coupon for two bucks off.
Their Twitter feed isn’t much better, with sporadic postings. It’s mostly a channel from which they broadcast instead of actively participating with users. I’m betting that Grey’s Creative Director, Elaine McCormick and her team are shitting their pants scrambling for a way to fix this disaster, and instructing their social media monitors to lay low and not engage. Maybe they’ll need their own eco-size tub of their client’s wipes.
F&S launched early this year and there still aren’t many physical locations from which to buy them in Canada – only at Jean Coutu (Quebec and New Brunswick). In the US, through RiteAid and CVS, or online via Amazon (seriously), Walmart, and Target. No dates are specified as to when we’ll start seeing these things in a Shopper’s Drug Mart. (Sidenote: I thought I had read that they were, indeed, available here, so I went to my local Mart to grab some for sampling. A mother of one of my son’s friends was across the aisle from the sex products, so I waited in another aisle, looking at the giant orb mirror on the ceiling to see when she’d leave. For the love of god, she never did, so I forced myself to go look, praying she wouldn’t notice me. Not that I usually give a fuck what people think of me, but do I really want this particular woman thinking my vag stinks? No, I don’t. So there’s the added stigma of buying a genital hygiene product over the counter. Fun times, Playtex. Maybe that’s why they’re mostly available online. It would be in their best interest to double up with a lube or condom company for use post coitus so as to not make buying it so embarrassing.)
The fact that a woman’s vagina or a man’s penis is easily cleaned and doesn’t need to be rubbed with any chemical (organic or not) is kinda moot. We all use products on and in our bodies that don’t have any real need to be there. We buy many of those products because we like the marketing and/or the packaging and though the subliminal message is one of “we’ll be better if we buy X,” the messages aren’t often so blatantly shaming as F&M’s. Their press release is also a bit of a joke, citing that “the product was designed to address and important consumer need.” That’s debatable.
If Playtex is really listening, they’ll fire their AOR and get into bed with someone like Fitzgerald + Co for Durex, who used humour in a more effective way, without any of the humiliating adspeak.
That products are being made by mainstream corporations (other than condom companies) to cater to those having sex is certainly a step toward destigmatizing it. But lumping shame into the mix isn’t doing anyone any favours. If they want to win me over, they need to champion and reward my sexual prowess, not insult any lack of it.
*At time of writing, I have not yet heard back from Fresh & Sexyâ„¢ about obtaining samples for review, considering I can’t purchase them in Ontario. Once I do manage to get my hands on some, I’ll post an update. Will they do the job? Will the added ‘fragrance’ be a turn off for oral? Will it sting? Will it actually be any better than hot soapy water? We shall see.
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Got a question about sex in art, relationships, parenting? Send Sonya a note at dearmadame@torontostandard.com. Anonymity assured.
Sonya JF Barnett, also known as “The Madame,” is the founder of an erotic arts community called The Keyhole Sessions and the co-founder of SlutWalk Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @KeyholeSessions.
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