Those with one need to be celebrating it: the pussy. Despite some confusion as to what to actually call it, either colloquially or clinically – vulva, vagina, genitals, cunt, the ever-so-awful vajajay, punani, snatch, the list goes on – the fact that I’ve got one at all is a good a reason as any to pop the champagne.
We know the mighty V has been championed since the first recorded histories. Whether it represented fertility, matriarchy, rejuvenation, something holy or divine, we’ve worshipped it in one way or another. As the human timeline passes, we’ve seen idols, poetry, music, paintings, bottled scents, plaster casts, and silicone sex toys depict our vulvas and vaginas in every way imaginable. As society’s proclivities change, so do the ways in which we want to celebrate our delicates.
In my own lifespan, I’ve seen attention paid to this sublime flesh in the form of Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues, the Brazilian wax (painful as hell but I do like the look and feel), adult magazines “healing to a single crease” where the inner labia is digitally sliced off because it’s apparently too offensive (so, those of you who think that porn mags only photograph “perfect” pussies, think again). This gave way to the ‘Barbie,’ cosmetic surgery’s answer to too many folds. We’ve also got vajazzling (I really do wish there was a better term for this practice), piercing, bleaching, painting, and vaginal mints (because nothing says fresh & clean like a Mentos stuck up your hooch).
In all things vulva, there is the wondrous and the bizarre, but also the downright depraved. How this body part has been and continues to be tortured is mind blowing. From denigration to mutilation and anything in between, if you can imagine it, it’s been done. The campaign against our beloved can appear the most innocuous: in June of last year, Michigan lawmaker Lisa Brown was banned from the House floor for uttering the word ‘vagina’ while speaking about abortion rights. A Nashville Rep went on record stating, “What she said was offensive. I don’t even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company” (ten to one, he’s the life of his party with ‘dirty hooker’ jokes). That men in power can’t even use anatomically correct language when discussing women’s rights in just another drop in the bucket that is the FEAR OF VAGINA (cue echo chamber).
Being a slutty feminist, I’ve seen many an argument regarding what constitutes a good one. Some factions reprimand me as a woman who only conforms to patriarchal norms because I choose wax my pudenda. Others harp on those who elect for labiaplasty or bleaching or sprinkling themselves with glued-on Swarovski crystals. Though I’m not a fan of some of the ‘options’ offered to women in the name of betterment, I’m not going to rain on anyone’s parade for their choices (I would, however, prefer the change of attitude when it comes to some surgeons’ use of terms like ‘improvement’ and ‘repair’. We’re not broken; some of us we just want something ‘different’).
While I sure as hell would never bleach my own bits (fuck you if you don’t like the colour of my humanness. I’m also not a fan of possible liver damage with the use of hydroquinone), I will not fault someone who bleaches theirs. I just hope that they are armed with the proper information and know all the risks involved.
God knows we’ve been subjected to all kinds of hate just for the mere fact of having these parts. Because of that, it takes a lot of chutzpah to champion the vulva. So if you’ve got one, love it; love your vagina, button, clit, hooded lady, veejer, whateveryouwanttocallit. Look at it in the mirror. Play with it. Douse it in Veuve Clicquot. It’s moist and warm and sweet and musky — what’s not to like? It will give you (and others, if you’re so inclined) great pleasure, so take care of it. For those with different parts, champion those, too and appreciate the vulvas of others: respect them, kiss them, lick them, shower them with love. We’ll be all the better for it.
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Got a question about sex in art, relationships, parenting? Send Sonya a note at dearmadame@torontostandard.com. Anonymity assured.
Sonya JF Barnett, also known as “The Madame,” is the founder of an erotic arts community called The Keyhole Sessions and the co-founder of SlutWalk Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @KeyholeSessions.
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