What to do. If something’s bothering you and you don’t know who to turn to for advice, think of Kirk. In our weekly advice column, Kirk Heron will address your concerns (100% anonymously).

I just turned 30, and I live alone. My girlfriend of about 8 months (who’s also 30) has started asking me about moving in together. The problem is, I don’t like her and want to break up. She also has a dog and I have a cat.

Happy recent birthday, Dastardly Dummy. You’re still drunk, right? If not, then gee whiz, isn’t life just totally crazy with all the different sorts of decisions it presents us with?

Having so much difficulty solving a problem so simple makes me wonder how you’ve held down a job that provides you with enough money to live alone. I suppose the bottom line is you are who you are, Dummy, and you clearly need a little guidance.

In most relationship situations where one party continues the charade despite ‘not liking’ their partner, it usually means one of two things: the sex is very good, or there is a strong fear of cutting things off because the partner is mentally unstable and has shown signs of having homicidal tendencies.

At first I was going to speculate that it might be your girlfriend who is the crazy one in this situation, because she has a cat, but that wouldn’t be fair to her (because she actually has a dog). She is simply asking you about moving in, not demanding. This is called conversation and as it happens, it is an integral part of relationships. When a couple walks past a house, and one person says, “Isn’t that a nice house? I love the door,” they aren’t demanding that the other buy it.

Why don’t you try giving your girlfriend a little credit, buddy? She’s thirty years old. Even if it’s only been 8 months, the bottom line is that you guys are running out of time.  I’ll tell you what, “dude.” Why don’t you have your girlfriend email me? I think she is the one with some real problems on her plate. While a guy like you should really hold on to anything that he catches in his weird little net, I will tell you the same thing I would tell her: BREAK UP NOW.

Thanks for emailing!

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