Is this old news? It could be old news.
As far as subcultural entities go, the most outlandish, consumerist and loathsome among caucasians is definitely the hipster. Sigh. Just the word conjures discomfort. This human brand gets under people’s skins. Living in small, basement hovels off of Queen Street W. (west of Bathurst, east of the Queensway–surely), this species enjoys smoking cigarettes, attending the secretist of loft parties, eating dinners with exotic ingredients like kale and pig’s feet, wearing eccentric eye glasses, and drinking in parks. These people are most often white. Just in case you forgot. And because it’s the first youth movement to be embedded in art, many hipsters work as artists. Holy moly! Some are directors at major art galleries (making, incredibly, real money, outside of their trust fund). Some even work for the New York Times Magazine (making, incredibly, real money, outside of their trust fund).
But apprently getting good jobs just isn’t good enough. Apparently too much drinking in parks and too much rolling with major industry trends is offensive. Hipsters are getting old and taking jobs that should have been yours. They’re re-branding the world in sans serif typefaces, turning your favourite corner stores into barber shops! God forbid they create logos with banners. The army? Completely offensive! Thank god we’ve got Hipster Branding, a Tumblr dedicated to reimagining a world run by those borgeoise
On second thought: call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure even Jay-Z would be pretty okay if the world was designed like a Hipster pipedream.
OMG, wait–is Jay-Z a hipster?
OMG, is hip hop over?
… Am I dying?
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…Jessica Carroll is the Toronto Standard’s “Best Thing on the Internet Today” columnist. Follow her on Twitter at @jssckr.
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