Inspired by Mayor Rob Ford’s call for Torontontians to call 911 if they see people “causing graffiti”—he presumably meant 311—stand-up comic Todd Van Allen, who tweets under the handle @heyitstva started the Twitter hashtag #new911calls with the tweet “I don’t like the song that’s playing on the radio!”
Others soon joined in and within less than an hour #new911calls had trended, first in Toronto and then Canada. We at the Toronto Standard are pleased to bring you a few of the best suggestions:
@michaelmurrayca: Whole Foods overcharging for soft avocados. #new911calls
@heyitstva: “My so-called ‘friend’ opted for ‘hos’ over ‘bros’!” #new911calls
@annetdonahue: “I just dropped a plate and it didn’t break, but I thought it might and I got scared.” #new911calls
@ivortossell: Lonely #new911calls
@TJisanLD: I’m late for work because I was looking for my keys all over my house but they were in my hand #new911calls
@mopheadf: My poutine has melted cheese, not cheese curds. #new911calls
@TStubinski: Adam Sandler is about to make another movie! #new911calls
@maisonneuvemag: Montreal is picking on us #new911calls
@kjork: I don’t know what Bjork is talking about #new911calls
@grebnekkah: I’m supposed to meet my friends at Trinity Bellwoods, but I can’t find where they’re sitting #new911calls
@Crugland: How long should I boil these eggs? #new911calls
@grebnekkah: I can’t find a place to lock up my bike #new911calls
@Bradicalism: My new hand soap leaves my skin dry. #new911calls
@paulmather007: I can’t decide whether I’m looking at a picture of a vase or of two faces in profile. #new911calls
@paulmather007: I just had a shower and my hair is definitely wet but I don’t actually remember shampooing. #new911calls
@lizzhatesme: I don’t understand why people keep talking about Glee. #new911calls
@trapdinawrpool: Someone put the empty milk carton back in the fridge #new911calls
@Brianhopecomedy: I haven’t been re-tweeted in almost a day. #new911calls
@barbhaynes: One of my boobs is significantly larger than the other. #new911calls
@VoxPopulist: I kind of miss winter. #new911calls
@jaimewoo: I think my Asian is broken, he’s stopped working like a dog. #new911calls
@silentvolume: I lost the marathon I deserved to win. I really trained hard, and wanted it. #new911calls
@scottmccrickard: So what are you wearing? #new911calls
@mattbraga: Tumbler is down. #new911calls
@derekmurr: These guys? In my class? They smoke. #new911calls #gavin
@32elvismovies: This theatre is not showing a 35mm print as advertised #new911calls
@Lookforthewoman: Someone is smoking within 9 metres of the entrance to Urban Outfitters!!! #new911calls
@Ggulo: The Leafs are playing again #new911calls
@normsousa: Come to my Fringe show. #new911calls
@shelldash: The baby’s not breathing. Should I order a margarita or a mojito? #new911calls
@stevenwbeattie: Transformers 3D absolutely sucked. #new911calls
@vivaxhate: “There sure are a lot of ugly people in my neighborhood” #new911calls
@TsarKasim: I still haven’t received any Google+ invites. #new911calls
@stephanieahart: Not enough people are responding to my cryptic status update.
and perhaps our favourite so far…
@morrisdave: The dutchie was passed to me on the right hand side #new911calls
