Everyone should be allowed to subscribe to one — but only one — conspiracy theory. Mine is this: the Razor-Industrial Complex is currently perpetrating the greatest swindle on the North American consumer since Corinthian leather*.
(What follows would probably benefit from mentally adding the word “man” to the end of every sentence.)
The reason razor blades get dull isn’t because of abrasion through use, it’s because of oxidation. There are a number of posts on places like lifehacker about keeping your razor blade submerged in an anaerobic environment like mineral oil or even vodka or, at the very least, drying it thoroughly to keep it from oxidizing and lasting much, much longer. (Some people claim they can use a single cartridge for up to 6 months.) I keep my razor in a large container of Barbicide, which claims to have a rust-proof formula. But that means I have a giant glass jar of super-noxious stuff on the shelf of the bathroom, just waiting to be knocked over and broken.
So I’m envisioning some kind of untippable, unbreakable holder that includes a receptacle or reservoir for mineral oil and an easy way to slide the razor in and out of it. Ideally, it should keep the oil from being exposed to the air and keep debris and moisture from falling in, in order preserve the oil for longer. Maybe that’s just a plastic cup and the lid from a yogurt container with a slit cut through it. Nice to have something that looks a little bit pretty, though.
By the way, if, after this is posted, I am found dead, my throat slit by four blades with no tug and pull, avenge me. Tell my story.
* I sent an office-wide email posing the question, “What is the greatest swindle currently being perpetrated on the North American consumer?” These are the responses I received:
Dessicated coconut
2-in-1 shampoo
All-season tires
The cello
Seedless grapes
Corinthian leather
The whole wheat baguette
Hawaiian pizza
Otrivin
Fluoridation
The flour sifter
Spf 65
“French” toast
The endless pasta bowl
Turkey pastrami
Reincarnation
Faux-finish paint
The trade paperback
Disc cameras
Diet pie
Microcarbonation
Orange tennis balls
Senior kindergarten
Front-wheel drive
Proactiv
Ideas Free to a Good Home is a clearinghouse of ideas we’re too lazy to develop ourselves.
