Everyday we see thousands of faces. But what are the stories behind those faces? Kathleen Phillips gives her best estimate.
Photo by Kristan KlimczakBILL HAN – Wife on the road!
Ventriloquist Bill Han has entertained audiences the world over performing with his abusive wife character, “Vickii.” Han discovered his muse/tormentor at an army surplus store under a pile of old gas masks. “When I bought her she had a big smash in her head. I put an old fur hat on her and just began to talk to myself like a miserable woman.” Bill and Vickii continue to tour across North America and the Caribean with Carnival Cruises. They are currently working on an album of duets entitled, “Who You Callin’ Dummy, Loser?”
Photo by Kristan KlimczakVALERIE UNGER – Roll With It, Baby!
“Psych on Wheels” is the brain child of Valerie Unger B.A. After medical licensing laws and a smoking ban forced Unger out of her psycho analysis practice at the North Hunderbee Plaza, she decided to take to the streets. “Dr.” Unger travels to flea markets and local fairs with her portable couch offering psychiatric counseling and a selection of instant soups. For fifteen dollars and a signed waiver Unger provides Tuff-Luffâ„¢ and Ramen noodles for the soul in a take away cup. She also sells hemp wallets and gently used children’s toys. Next stop: Octoberfest!
Photo by Kristan KlimczakREGIS SEGURA – From Rags to Fishes.
Is there a Fish Monger in da house? Yes! His name is Regis Segura. He got started in seafood when he opened a restaurant called, The Mermaid’s Pantry. The business floundered in its first year, but was temporarily buoyed by dropping the ‘r’ in “Pantry” to become a topless fish n’ chips nightclub. In 2002 the Mermaid finally went belly up and Segura abandoned the Seafood restaurant game, comparing it to a Chinatown lobster: “Tough to crack and full of sh*t.” He cast his net a second time over the wholesale business and reeled in a silver tuna . He now owns two houses, a Segway, Willie Nelson’s first and only keyboard-guitar and a thoroughbred horse named, “Rag Time Melody.” After ten years in of hacking heads and scooping guts, Segura admits the smell of his success is indelible and nauseating, but doesn’t stop the “pussy” from following him home.
____
Kathleen Phillips is a writer and comedian based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @kathophillips.
For more, follow us on Twitter @TorontoStandard and subscribe to our newsletter.
