Ranked Ballots are the latest electoral reform being bandied about in Toronto. Ranked Ballot Initiative of Toronto (RaBIT), led by activist Dave Meslin and backed by City Councilor Paul Ainslie, wants to let Toronto voters submit a ranked list of their preferred candidates in our future municipal elections. If no candidate wins on first choice votes alone, the candidate with the lowest number of votes is eliminated and their supporters’ second choice is counted toward the totals. This instant runoff continues until one candidate achieves a 50-percent-plus-one majority. The main argument in favour of ranked ballots is that it would ensure winners truly represented the will of the electorate and it would elimate the need for strategic voting.
Toronto Standard fully endorses the idea of ranked ballots, as we have always felt that only being able to vote for a single candidate has limited our ability to express our values in the political realm. There are so many people who would make incredible leaders and voting for just one has never felt right. As such, we’ve assembled a list of what our ranked ballot would look like if a municipal election were to be held in Toronto today.
1. Black Lesbian Teenager!
2. Fine, (sigh) Old White Guy…
3. Someone who looks and acts like Jian Ghomeshi but in no way, shape or form do I want the actual Jian Ghomeshi
4. Anybody who said they were too busy to run for mayor
5. A much-loved, accomplished person’s yet-unproven eldest son
6. Mike “Pinball” Clemons
7. Any other available former CFL coach
8. Whoever writes the Toronto Sun headlines
9. Whoever paints the Honest Ed’s signs
10. Whoever decided that everyone should be eating more tacos
11. Wonderdick
12. A Kid In The Hall (Preferably Mark McKinney but Scott Thompson would be good too)
13. Margaret Atwood
14. Drake
15. The guy who played Snake on Degrassi
16. Tallest union-backed pinko
17. Loudest business-friendly blue-blood
18. Squirreliest political party insider
19. Dreadlockiest drum circle participant
20. My dad, probably
21. Heck, my neighbour’s kid, even!
22. SPUD the graffiti guy
23. Mark the litter guy
24. Igor the bike guy
25. Whichever farm animal has sold the most condos
26. The Cashman
29. Silver Elvis
30. Toronto Batman
31. Chalkmaster Dave
32. Jason from the Dean Blundell Show
33. Mocha
34. Roz
35. A Much Music VJ Search Runner-up
36. The first person to retweet my joke about the Olympics
37. Whoever the Illuminati prefer I guess
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Michael Kolberg is The Sprawl Editor at Toronto Standard. Follow him on Twitter for jokes @mikeykolberg
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