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So You Think You Can Firefight?
Toronto Fire Services is recruiting, so Michael Kolberg sees if he has what it takes to be a firefighter

Division Chief David Sheen describing TFS’s ideal candidate for their recruitment drive. Photo by Joe Fuda.

When you were a kid, it probably seemed very likely that you would eventually become a firefighter. Thanks to their ubiquitous presence at career days and in math textbooks, firefighter always seemed like one of the main careers you could have. Most of us give up on that particular dream as we get older, but if battling five-alarm blazes and performing daring rescues is still your dream job, then the time to act is now. Last Thursday at the CNE, the Toronto Fire Service announced a recruitment drive that runs until Friday August 31. With only 40 spots for the expected 3000 applicants, the competition is stiff. So what does it take to be a firefighter in Canada’s biggest city? Well, on top of your DZ level driver’s license and a minimum Grade 12 education, prospective firefighters must pass a series of written and physical aptitude tests to demonstrate their capacity to perform the demanding job. Despite being in no particular shape and a total whiny baby, our intrepid Toronto Standard reporter was dispatched to the Exhibition Fire Hall to find out if he has what it takes to be one of our city’s heroes.

From left: Division Chief David Sheen, Acting Deputy Chief Mike McCoy, some silly reporter, Chief Jim Sales, Deputy Chief Debbie Higgins. Photo by Joe Fuda.

In any job interview, it is important to make a good first impression on your boss. When you’re applying for a job as a firefighter, this involves not cracking jokes with veteran firefighters about the summer heat and how they should be able to handle it, even in those heavy suits, because, after all, their job does involve being very close to fire, so the warm weather can’t be all that bad for them, because, you know, fire is hot. Do you know what I mean? While for the most part, firefighters are a good humoured bunch, perhaps this kind of joke would be better received if you were to make it after you have already become a firefighter and earned the respect of your colleagues due in part to your bravery in the face of chaos. As a would-be recruit looking to crack wise, you are better off sticking with tried and true topics, like fire hall food or how policemen are not as good as firefighters.

Jeff the Firefighter helps operate the tower and is a calming presence throughout this harrowing experience. Photo by Joe Fuda.

The first test of mettle for any aspiring firefighters is a harrowing trip up in the “tower.” The tower is essentially a cherry picker on the back of a firetruck that lets firefighters make daring rescues seven stories up and also offers reporters terrifying vantage points over which to survey Canadian National Exhibitions. Towers are much preferred to conventional ladders thanks to their flexibility in rescue and firefighting scenarios. Brave firefighters like Jeff (seen above) do not show their fear when they go up in one of the city’s three tower trucks, as they do almost everyday in training.

Our reporter puts on a brave face for the camera. Photo by Joe Fuda. Despite numerous safety measures, recruits may still experience crippling fear. Photo by Joe Fuda.

If you hope to become a firefighter, it is not recommended that you loudly discuss your preference for the ground as opposed to the sky throughout the duration of your time up in the tower. PRO TIP: Tower operators have been known to intentionally frighten reporters and photographers by shifting the platform suddenly without warning. When pressed, tower operators will deny doing any such thing and insist that, come on, it’s not that bad, and they will most likely ask that you refrain from being a baby.

Our reporter asks if he “has to keep going” and does not like the response. Photo by Joe Fuda.

After battling height, prospective firefighters are subjected to a series of physical tortures known as the Combat Challenge. The Combat Challenge tests a recruit’s strength, endurance and speed with activities that simulate real life fire fighting scenarios to ensure that an individual is capable of meeting the demanding physical requirements of the job. For a Fire Department generally known for its commitment to equality and fairness, the Toronto Standard is sad to report that Toronto Fire Service employs a double standard by running two separate Combat Challenges for grown adults and children under twelve. While this reporter believed he would be stopping, dropping, rolling, getting temporary tattoos and what have you, Toronto Fire Services unfairly and possibly illegally insisted he lift and drag some very heavy objects around a lawn out back of the fire hall.

The first part of the “Adults Only” Combat Challenge involves using a heavy plastic mallet to drive a metal box down a metal shaft to simulate breaking through debris or “something like that,” as it was described. PRO TIP: Firefighters need strong rough hands. The hands of a typist are almost always too soft.

Grace under pressure is quality recruiters look for. Photo by Joe Fuda.

Next, recruits have to hoist and carry some very heavy fire hose through a simulated fire site. Without access to accurate measurement tools, this reporter speculates that the hose weighs in at a full metric “ton”, although Combat Challenge administrators claim the load is close to “nothing.”

The simulated Combat Challenge featured less physical obstacles but far more embarrassing scenarios. Photo by Joe Fuda.

Under normal circumstances, recruits would be required to carry the hose up a ladder onto an elevated platform and then also hoist another length of hose up to the platform with them. Due to circumstances beyond their control, the Toronto Fire Service were unable to provide an appropriate platform and instead suggested a route around some trees would be suitable. As a potential firefighter, you must never question a commanding officers orders, even if it is sort of embarrassing.

PRO TRIP: Don’t fall in love with your dummy, he will only disappoint you. Photo by Joe Fuda.

The final and by far most challenging aspect of the Combat Challenge is a literal drag. Recruits grab and lift a 180 pound training dummy and drag it from an imagined danger zone into a similarly imagined safe zone. Beyond the physical challenge of partially lifting the life-like dummy, recruits must endure the psychological challenge of rescuing a friend or colleague who has potentially been gravely injured knowing that they may never walk again. Such mental anguish can make a truncated twenty metre drag feel like an arduous trek across the tundra. It is advised that you not let yourself become too emotionally attached to your dummy before the Combat Challenge, no matter how compelling their lifeless eyes may be, as it will only make resucing them from imagined danger that much harder.

Do you have what it takes to be a firefighter? Photo by Joe Fuda.

It is also advised to make friends with whomever is administering your Combat Challenge so they’ll be more likely to help you up when you are inevitably pinned to the ground under the great weight of a stupid dummy.

Despite surpassing expectations, it was determined that this reporter does not in fact have what it takes to become a firefighter. The physical and mental challenges professional firefighters deal with everyday proved to be too much for the author to handle. Also, nobody in at Toronto Fire Service believed him when he said he had attained at least his Grade 12.

____

Michael Kolberg is The Sprawl Editor at Toronto Standard. Follow him on Twitter for jokes @mikeykolberg

Joe Fuda is a freelance photographer. Follow him on Twitter @fudagraphy

For more, follow us on Twitter at @torontostandard and subscribe to our Newsletter.

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