A series of mini-dramas based on public conversations, as overheard and rewritten by local playwright/director Aurora Stewart de Peña.

Overheard at the Customs Booth at Pearson Airport

Alex, in his late teens, wearing slim-fitting grey jeans and a T-shirt with a bold graphic, escorts his great-grandmother Maria, 92, up to the customs booth.

Ron, an American Customs officer, takes the card.

Ron: Are you bringing any fruits, vegetables or other produce into the country?

Maria shakes her head.

Alex: No.

Ron: Any firearms or explosives?

Maria shakes her head.

Alex: No.

Ron: Any disease agents, cell cultures or snails?

Maria laughs a little bit.

Alex: No.

Ron: Any meats, animals or wildlife?

Alex: No.

Maria: Well, I do have some beef.

Ron: Beef.

Maria: Yes, some beef.

Alex: [to Ron] I’m sorry. One second.

Alex puts a hand on Maria’s shoulder.

[very softly] Why do you have beef?

Maria: Well, we don’t know what the food’s going to be like on the plane.

Ron: Ma’am, you can’t take beef on the plane.

Maria: Oh, yes I can.

Alex: [to Ron] She’s 90 years old.

Maria: I’m 92. And that has nothing to do with it. You can’t make me eat what I don’t want to eat. I don’t want your food. I want my food.

Ron: Is the beef in a sandwich format?

Maria: It’s in a stew.

Ron: I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to ask you to leave that here.

Alex: You can’t take meat on the plane, Mum-mum.

Maria shakes her head.

Maria: I know why you’re doing this to me, and it isn’t fair.

You’re a bully.

Alex puts his arm around Maria.

Alex: It’s not just you, Mum-Mum. Nobody gets to bring meat on the plane.

Maria: Don’t patronize me.

____

Aurora Stewart de Peña is half of the theatre company Birdtown & Swanville (the other half is Nika Mistruzzi). You can follow her on Twitter at @Aurorahhh.

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