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Overheard in the Change room of Quad Spinning at King and Portland...

A series of mini-dramas based on public conversations, as overheard and rewritten by local playwright/director Aurora Stewart de Peña.

Overheard in the Change room of Quad Spinning at King and Portland

Brit and Tanya sit on a bench, drinking water and toweling sweat from their faces.

Tanya: No, I wasn’t invited.

Brit: Well, I’m sure it was an oversight.

Tanya: I don’t know, I think we’re just not friends. 

Pause.

We’re not Facebook friends.

Brit: You’re not?

Tanya: No, I sent her a request, like, 3 months ago and it’s still pending.

Brit: Oh. That’s weird.

Tanya: And I never know whether to hug her or not. It’s always weird, like “are we gonna do this?”

I always end up touching the back of her head, or something.

Brit laughs.

Brit: Hugging’s weird.

Tanya: I know, with her, especially.

Brit: But as a concept, hugging’s weird.

Tanya: (Laughing) Yeah, I guess it is. Oh hi, I’m going to move my whole body into your space, now.

Brit: I barely know you, allow me to press my whole front into your whole front.

Tanya: Why did we ever stop shaking hands?

Brit: Seems like a good middle ground, right?

Tanya: I’m bringing it back. If a person tries to hug me, I’m just gonna–(Makes a jabbing motion with her right hand, shakes the air enthusiastically.)

Brit: Perfect. No, I don’t think you should be offended, she’s really reserved. 

I actually don’t even really want to go to her stupid party. Like, I work with her all week, I don’t need to see her on the weekend, too.

Tanya: No, you should go.

Brit: Yeah.

Tanya: Yeah.

Brit: But I’m going to resent it.

Tanya: That’s what I like to hear.

____

Aurora Stewart de Peña is half of the theatre company Birdtown & Swanville (the other half is Nika Mistruzzi). You can follow her on Twitter at @Aurorahhh.

For more, follow us on Twitter at @torontostandard, and subscribe to our newsletter.

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