Sex, drugs, comic books, and film.
No, this is not the description of a rock star’s hobbies, although that’s how the individuals in question probably see themselves, especially when they’re speaking to live audiences about how much of the four they’ve done.
No they’re not porn stars either, although one of them would most certainly argue otherwise.
Instead, they are two of indie film’s most recognizable names in Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith, the actors who portrayed the beloved roles of Jay and Silent Bob in the Smith-directed Clerks and Chasing Amy.
Mewes can no longer be seen raving and ranting in circles about sex on the big screen, and Smith no longer sports the long trench coat and acts as a foil to his partner, staying completely silent throughout the majority of each film, only to have his few words completely alter the course of the plot.
“People ask the same questions,” said Smith. “Why aren’t you in costume? Why is the fat guy talking so much?”
However, the dynamic duo still manages to entertain audiences with their podcast, Jay & Silent Bob Get Old, which is often recorded in front of a live audience. On Aug. 24, the two appeared at Fan Expo before a crowd of eager, nerdy fans who had spent most of the day revelling in the heaven created by the yearly comic-book, sci-fi, horror, anime, and gaming convention.
Smith began the show by taking a brief moment to show his appreciation for the city of Toronto, one that should hold a great importance in the hearts of all comic-book nerds because Jerry Siegel, creator of Superman, modeled Metropolis after Toronto’s skyline.
“My love for Toronto is well documented,” said Smith. “Go to Google, type in ‘Kevin Smith’ and ‘Toronto’ and you’ll see me sucking Toronto’s dick.”
Jay & Silent Bob Get Old, hosted on SModcast Internet Radio made its debut two years ago and has since grown to earn a devoted following. While the two enjoy telling audiences about their past buffoonery, the show always had an alternate agenda. It is used by Smith as a way to keep Mewes, an individual with a well-known history of drug abuse, sober.
As of the 24th, Mewes has been sober for 765 days, a number that he is increasingly proud of and states at every show.
Don’t kid yourself though. This is one of the only serious moments throughout the show. Most of it is taken up by Mewes speaking of something else that he is proud of: his sexcapades.
The first story of the night was about flying to Toronto from New Jersey in what is usually a one-hour flight.
That didn’t stop Mewes from his usual mischief.
Feeling aroused, Mewes attempted to convince his wife into having sex on the plane. After her refusal, he came to a conclusion.
“If you’re not going to fuck me, I’m going to fuck myself!”
What proceeded was the tale of how the uncontrollable Mewes had to resort to masturbation in an airplane bathroom in order to ail his sexual frustration.
Another problem arose when he couldn’t decide where to ejaculate. Once again, it was only a matter of seconds before he came to another brilliant decision.
“Fuck it, I got up (from the toilet) and spilled my spooch (sic) in the sink,” said Mewes.
“Hold on, what airline?” asked a baffled Smith.
Heading back to his seat, Mewes was horrified to find out that his fun in the bathroom had not solved his problem as he noticed another erection. To get rid of it, he claims to have repeated the process another nine times.
Ten times in a one-hour flight to Toronto.
The levels of ludicrousness heightened as the night went on.
Mewes followed his first story with a second about his hooking up with a woman on an airplane before he was married. He continued with a rare and successful account of how he convinced his wife to have sex in a spa. In typical fashion, he blew the crowd away when he admitted he became aroused when a masseur was working on his buttocks.
In disbelief, Smith needed to prove to himself that this was possible and began to massage his sprawled friend in the same manner that the masseur had.
It is in these circumstances that the audience can understand that they are not witnessing a simple podcast being recorded. Smith and Mewes fill their shows with a lot of physical interaction, with themselves and with the audience. Mewes, energized by several cans of Redbull, loves to jump around the stage and re-enact his stories. While listening to them on the internet will always be entertaining, the fun factor explodes when witness to the madness in person.
Smith took over storytelling duties and told the audience what it was like to sleep in the same bed with his mother, who suffers from sleep apnea and wears a mask similar to the one Tom Hardy wore while portraying Bane in Dark Knight Rises.
“Tiger, when Gotham is in ashes, you have my permission to die,” Smith said while explaining that he believed his mother would roll over in the middle of the night and begin quoting the super villain.
A story about Mewes’ drug abuse and his attempt to conquer his demons by hunting for Star Wars Greedo dolls was followed by a Q&A where the majority of audience members chose to ask for pictures and handshakes instead of asking questions.
The two responded positively and a bored Mewes, on his fifth Redbull, took the opportunity to use some of his accumulated energy to snap about 20 pictures when only one was requested.
Those who asked for pictures weren’t allowed to get away without repercussions.
“Now, get the fuck off of my stage,” Smith told his fans.
After a disappointing question and answer period, the show ended with a bang.
Literally.
Mewes and Smith end each show with a game entitled, “Let Us Fuck.” It involves Smith thinking of a new sex position and Mewes, along with a volunteer from the audience, acting out what they believe it would look like.
In honor of Toronto, Mewes and a peppy and eager, young lady from the crowd would be acting out: ‘Degrassi up the assie (sic).’
After a few minutes of preparation, Mewes and Smith once again proved that this is no regular podcast.
Re-enacting a few popular scenes from Degrassi: The Next Generation, Mewes pretended to open a locker, play basketball, and get shot by his female companion. The participant proceeded to jump on Mewes, place him in the doggy-style position, and spank him while thrusting against him to the amusement of the audience.
Although things tend to get out of hand whenever Mewes and Smith are granted an uncensored arena to speak of their shenanigans, an audience filled with people who have watched Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma, and other films involving the duo will know what to expect and will not be disappointed by the hours of hilarity provided by the inseparable duo.
The cameras have been traded in for microphones, Mewes’ long hair and tuque are a thing of the past, and Smith has replaced his trademark trench coat with an orange and blue hockey jersey, but the two are just as entertaining as they were throughout all of the films that they appeared in.
With a good cause, a library of stories to tell, and tear-jerking laughter a guarantee, Jay & Silent Bob Get Old sees every audience member go home satisfied. After all, age is just a number.
_______
Victor Ferreira is a Toronto-based writer. Follow him on Twitter @VicF77.
For more, follow us on Twitter @TorontoStandard and subscribe to our newsletter.
