The Winner: Black Bull!
Patio season, patio season, rah rah rah. While all those other rags are telling you which patios are best for babe-watching, cocktail-drinking, and nacho-enjoying, we at the Toronto Standard prefer to tell it like it really is. Too many fine patio locations in this town offer dirty tap beer and overpriced, greasy-in-the-bad-way food — those inescapable places where everyone ends up at least once every summer, only to spend $40 on two beers, a crappy snack, and a hangover that settles in before an enjoyable buzz. Here, five spots that are totally hogging prime real estate.
5. Hemingways
Yorkville is for rich people, and this rooftop patio is always packed. Therefore, rich people like previously frozen french fries and chicken tenders that cost twice as much as McNuggets but are half as good.
4. The Madison
Perhaps it’s ageist sour grapes, but in our eyes these three lovely old Annex houses are being wasted on the wasted frat boys that populate its multiple huge, secluded patios. On the up side, the booze menu is actually awesome, if you’re into this summer’s hottest cocktail, the Turbo Shandy. It’s 50 percent Smirnoff Ice, 50 percent beer, and 100 percent guaranteed to induce vomiting in drinkers under (or over) 22 years of age.
3. Caf Diplomatico
Yes, yes, it’s a Toronto institution — one where the vodka ros sauce tastes like Chef Boyardee.
2. Joy Bistro
Patios are scarce in Leslieville, which makes the under-utilization of this prime corner next to Jimmie Simpson Park even more shameful. Then again, when mediocre $12 eggs attract a full house every weekend, there’s no need to find a real chef.
1. Black Bull
A classic brick building housing an iconic spot with a cool name, a massive patio, unbeatable people-watching — and draft beer that tastes like the kegs it pours from are lined with worn, toe-jam-encrusted running shoes. The truth is, we’re jealous of the savvy owner of this veteran haunt, as he or she obviously knows how to ride a one-trick pony for what it’s worth. Unmentionable washrooms and less mentionable food are no match for the economic draw of Queen West’s most sunlit outdoor drinking spot. This truly divey dive bar will be raking in ducats til the end of time. See you in line!
