Sometimes, you just gotta turn to God, because there’s no other recourse when there are people as heinous as this dude who shoved a preschooler and stole her bike, jacket and shoe last night at Queen and Spadina. Don’t worry, the police got the bastard who did it, but shouldn’t there be a by-law to compound punishing this arse? Here are some quaint suggestions: 

Imaginary By-Law #1: Pimp My Ride

Prosecuted persons must pay for a full detailing with new paint, rims and flashing lights so the victim can roll up to the club like, “What up, I got a bad bike.”

Imaginary By-Law #2: Pink Jacket: Reloaded

Prosecuted persons must wear a neon pink cropped fur-lined polyester Baby Phat jacket with no shirt all summer as penance for his crimes against pink jackets everywhere.

Imaginary By-Law #3: Death By Shoe

This:

The child and her caregiver left without talking to police, so if you’ve got any information as to their wherabouts, holla at the popo at 416-808-1404 or Crime Stoppers at 416-222-8477 (TIPS).

[via CP24]

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Vidal Wu is an intern at Toronto Standard. You can follow him on Twitter at @vidalwuu.

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