THIS is why we can’t have nice things. Women go crazy for one erotic novel (I’m referring to 50 Shades of Grey, in case your gentials have been under a rock for the last few months), and now all our favourite literary classics are getting mommy porn makeovers. Publisher Clandestine Classics will rework beloved books like Jane Eyre, Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey, and Sherlock Holmes into erotic, Grey-esque tales.

Original fans of Jane Eyre might be unhappy to discover that the female protagonist has “explosive sex with Mr Rochester” in the publisher’s erotic edition. In Wuthering Heights, heroine Catherine Earnshaw “enjoys bondage sessions” with Heathcliff, while sleuth Sherlock Holmes has a sexual relationship with his sidekick Dr. Watson in the new e-book.

The publisher says the books, which will be released starting June 30, will introduce the classics to “a whole new generation of readers.” Because no one can read anything anymore that doesn’t inspire instant orgasms. God help us.   [The Independent]