Turks and Caicos is the eleventh province that almost was. Canada’s own slice of paradise, lined with powdery white stretches of sand and oceans that put the descriptor ‘blue’ to shame. Home to “da Conch Shack,” where not only do they harvest conch from the ocean right in front of you, but also serve up better mac and cheese than I’ve ever had in Toronto. Over the years, several attempts have been made to create a union between Canada and Turks and Caicos. In 2004, Nova Scotia even invited the islands to join their province. It could’ve been ours- superior mac and cheese and all- if only Canada allowed itself to have nice things.
But our failure to officially claim the islands hasn’t kept Canadians away– Turks and Caicos boasts an exceptionally healthy population of Canadian expats. They own car rental shops, run resorts, take tourists snorkeling, work in PR, specialize in luxury interior design… you name it, there’s a Canadian who does it (usually in between, and sometimes while, drinking healthy doses of rum punch).
It was one such Canadian connection that introduced me to The Regent Grand, a boutique luxury hotel in the heart of Grace Bay– the sort that caters to A-list celebrities, but has too much class to prattle off a list of names as soon as you walk in the door. That door, by the way, is actually a tall Italianate archway that leads to an open courtyard of palm trees, hot tubs, and an infinity pool so elegant that at first I worried it might just be for show.
From the pool, you head through another towering archway straight out to the beach, where there are always enough chairs and umbrellas for every guest. No fighting that annoying British family (there’s always one) with three kids in tow for prime oceanfront real estate here. In fact, as far as I could tell, there seem to be barely any kids on site at all. Or college students. As a cantankerous twentysomething who doesn’t like loud squeals or unnecessary splashing, that’s a bonus worth an extra few bucks per night in and of itself.
The only time you’ll even think of home is when you realize how much better everything is here. The Vix, The Regent Grand’s onsite restaurant, does a must-try steak duo that makes you realize the Canadian Beef cartel is truly a master of propaganda. The Keg be damned, these cuts are on a whole different level. And their homemade squid ink pappardelle just about convinced me to toss my passport in the ocean.
In my experience, typical vacation food is only made palatable by copious amounts of alcohol, so it was quite the pleasant surprise to learn Turks and Caicos is something of a culinary destination. It’s not cheap but, unlike certain King West establishments, it’s worth it. Just about every restaurant that lines Grace Bay could uproot itself and immediately set up shop as a must-dine destination in Toronto. Not wanting to miss out on any of them, my travel partner and I did something of a beach bar crawl up the coast, stopping at as many as we could to sample all the rum punch, fish tacos, and conch fritters our stomachs could hold. I highly recommend such a venture.
The only real reason to take a break from eating is so that you can go snorkeling without sinking, as Turks and Caicos boasts some of the clearest and warmest waters in the Caribbean. Explore sunken shipwrecks and lively reefs full of every sea creature (Except sharks. I was explicitly promised no sharks). I swear I even saw the real-life Rainbow Fish.
After all the eating, swimming and eating, and more eating, you’ll look forward to collapsing in a sprawling colonial-style suite, complete with a balcony large enough to pass for a bachelor apartment back in Toronto. Drift to sleep without the screams of rowdy coeds in the background. They won’t be there because they can’t afford it–and that’s a good thing. Turks and Caicos is no Spring Break destination, but it’s just the getaway you need. And maybe, with a little bit of luck (write your MP, seriously), we’ll one day be able to count the islands as Canada’s own.
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Sabrina Maddeaux is Toronto Standard’s managing editor. Follow her on Twitter at @sabrinamaddeaux.
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