Like most, I first read about Sheryl Sandberg in Ken Auletta’s New Yorker article from July 2011.
The article was sent around my circle of girlfriends — self-identifying feminists all — who had urged me to “read it soonest so we can talk about it.” By the time I got around to reading it at the end of an exhausting workday, however, it was just another tab I was eager to close before going offline.
When I got to the end of the article (which I read without a single interrupted email check or bathroom break, the highest praise) I was certain that if there was ever going to be a New Yorker article that changed my life, this would be it.
The profile was about being a woman in a male-dominated work environment. It was about work-life-balance. It was about leaning in. It wasn’t anything I didn’t know already. And yet. There was something about Sandberg’s conviction and insight I found endlessly compelling.
Nearing the end of the piece, Auletta describes Sandberg delivering the commencement address at Barnard College, which she ends with:
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Don’t let your fears overwhelm your desire. Let the barriers you face–and there will be barriers–be external, not internal. Fortune does favor the bold. I promise that you will never know what you’re capable of unless you try. You’re going to walk off this stage today and you’re going to start your adult life. Start out by aiming high. Go home tonight and ask yourselves, What would I do if I weren’t afraid? And then go do it! Congratulations.”
That question, what would I do if I weren’t afraid, stayed with me for days. I even found myself returning to it in unguarded moments.
This week, some nine months after the New Yorker article, I came across an interview she did for the Makers series, a PBS-AOL collaboration that profile women who had been frontiers in their fields.
Again, there is nothing here that I didn’t know already (“Likability and success is positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.” Duh.), but her insights are worth reading if you are a working woman, or just a woman, or is related to one. As such, I’ve transcribed and paraphrased some of her answers here.
To all the nerds out there:
I was a geek in high school. It works out. Study harder.
To the working mothers of the world:
I used to do conference calls at work. And pump. I would take off my shirt. Put on the prop. Pump milk. On conference calls. People would be like, “What’s that noise?” I’d say, “What noise? Oh that’s a jack hammer outside.” On the conference call. So there’s no work life balance. There is work and there is life and there is no balance.
To graduating seniors:
One. be ambitious. Start out with big dreams. Big goals. Second. How to be ambitious? Lean into your career. When you need the balance think about it then. Don’t make sacrifices now for children you don’t even have yet.
On marrying the right person:
If you are going to marry a man, marry the right one. If you are going to marry a woman, that’s better.
On her decision to go from Google to Facebook:
You are always better off taking a more junior position in a company that is growing quickly than a more senior one in a slow growing company.
On equality at home:
I feel guilty when my son says “Mommy put down the BlackBerry.” I don’t know a lot of men who feel guilty for working full time. Parenting shouldn’t be a full time job for women and part time job for men.
On being Tweeted about by Oprah:
I found out that Oprah tweeted about me from Ken Auletta who wrote this piece of me in the New Yorker. He wrote me a note, he said “Oprah just tweeted about you.” It’s kind of funny. One of those things, you don’t really expect to meet Oprah Winfrey. Let alone have her say anything about you.
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May Jeong is Toronto Standard’s business editor. Follow her on Twitter @mayjeong.
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