I have a confession: I was once a devout tanning bedder. As a pretty pasty individual by nature, I’ve always thought I look better with some colour and glow. Sometimes, when a cancer-warning article scared me enough, I’d try a self-tanning product in hopes of achieving the same natural, streak-free look I got from the beds. But nothing ever worked. All the products I tried, including a few supposedly pretty high-end ones, resulted in a weird, slightly orange-yellow tinge before quickly fading into something that more resembled a skin pigmentation disorder than a tan. As RHOV‘s Ioulia would say, I often looked like “a Barbie dipped in orange juice.”
And so, when I graduated from university, I gave up both tanning beds and tanning products. I bought a t-shirt that read, “Pale is the New Tan, ” though I only ever half-believed it. The years passed.
Enter St. Tropez. After a recommendation from a trusted non-orangey friend, I skeptically, but hopefully, ventured to Axi the Spa in Yorkville to get professionally sprayed with a St. Tropez Body Bronzing. Basically this consists of stripping down to either disposable underwear or your birthday suit, standing against a giant shield of sorts, striking various poses, and letting a lady spray multiple coats of tanning potion on you. You’ll be instantly bronzed so the technician can tell if she’s missed any bits, but this is just a topcoat that you wash off in 10-12 hours to reveal your real, fake tan.
I was immediately impressed with the colour. Not a hint of orange, yellow, or any other hue better associated with jaundice than Jamaica. But then, of course, I walked out of the spa and right into the biggest snowfall Toronto’s seen all winter. Between getting soaked from the snow itself and getting soaked from sweating under my parka while running to the subway station in an effort not to get soaked, I was sure my tan was headed to straight to streaksville. But, miraculously, there were no streaks to be seen.
Obligatory before/after selfies
And so I decided to subject my St. Tropez tan to the final test. The one all others failed. The I’m-gonna-run-5-miles-in a-super-tight-sports-bra-and-sweat-everywhere test. Usually this test results in a faux tan disappearing from anywhere the sports bra touches and disgusting, clumpy remains of tanner littered down my cleavage. Boob sweat is a powerful foe. But, to my utter surprise, St. Tropez didn’t budge. Not even a hint of a steak to be found. I was officially sold.
The only thing I wasn’t sold on was Axi the Spa’s $105 charge for the service–one that only lasts a maximum of 10 days. For a special occasion, I can see it, but as part of a regular beauty routine? I’M A WRITER. So I decided to try out St. Tropez’s at-home tanning products. Could I really recreate the results of the salon?
The short answer is ‘yes.’ For a fraction of the cost, the St. Tropez at-home line produces colour every bit as good and reliable as the professional treatment. My recommendations are the Self Tan Bronzing Mousse which, when applied with St. Tropez’s Applicator Mitt, goes on quickly and smoothly. As a bonus, it dries in 60 seconds so you’re not awkwardly waiting around naked and trying not to touch anything while it takes forever to set. To maintain your fake bake, I like the Gradual Tan EveryDay Face moisturizer. I find that a tan wears off quickest on my face because of that whole pesky putting on/taking off makeup thing, but this little gem provides an ever-so-slight boost of colour to keep things glowing strong. But when I say ‘slight,’ I really do mean slight, so I suggest going for the medium/dark option even if you’re pretty pale.
The moral of the story is, fellow lovers of tans, that you really don’t have to choose between cancer-baiting activity and looking like an Oompa Loompa. You can have it ALL.
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Sabrina Maddeaux is Toronto Standard’s managing editor. Follow her on Twitter at @sabrinamaddeaux.
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