Back in University, one of my best friends in the whole world had a crippling phobia of glitter. The way some people are terrified of snakes or spiders, he recoiled from every single small, reflective particle that shimmered when it caught the light. Sparkle dust might seem utterly harmless to you, but he referred to glitter as the “gonorrhea of crafts,” because of its tendency to mysteriously turn up even after you thought it was all cleaned up. Somehow, my penchant for extreme sequins and the Rocky Horror Picture Show never got in the way of our friendship.
Glitter in all its forms (sequins, sparkles, lamé) is almost inescapable during the holiday season. I can only imagine how my friend feels on New Year’s Eve, the one night of the year when people overcompensate for plain work outfits by piling on more sequins and sparkles than there are snowflakes on the ground. Beginning December 1st, you can barely glance at a retail window display without experiencing temporary blindness, and stores offer a world of possibilities for anyone looking to dress like the legendary “mirror ball suit” worn by Vince Noir of The Mighty Boosh.
Whether you are experiencing end-of-the year sequin fatigue, suffer from severe glitterphobia or just aren’t a particularly flashy dresser, I’ve picked out some spiffy New Year’s Eve dresses that are perfectly matte.
Baroque Print Bodycon Dress, Topshop, approx $57
The cabbage rose and pearl details on this dress are vaguely “inspired” by Balenciaga’s F/W 2012 collection, but who wouldn’t want to dress like the album cover of New Order’s “Power, Corruption, and Lies?”
Camo Print Lantern Dress, Topshop, approx. $127
What would happen if Damien Hirst’s kaleidoscopic butterfly collages went to a garden tea party where the delicate white tea leaves were spiked with magic mushrooms? This hazy digital print party dress that looks like something out of Alexander McQueen’s swan song S/S 2012 collection, “Plato’s Atlantis,” that’s what.
Silence and Noise Freya Crepe Jumper, Urban Outfitters, $79
Wait, who is saying you have to wear a dress for New Years? For the more adventurous, (and well proportioned) among us, there is this swanky jumpsuit, with collarbone cutouts. If you pretend that it’s not a total pain in the ass to go to the bathroom while wearing a jumpsuit, you’ll be the most carefree partygoer of them all.
Sparkle & Fade Black Maxi Dress, Urban Outfitters, $39
Basic black is a party dress staple, but this dead serious maxi dress is for those who want to look more Elvira than Audrey Hepburn. The glimpse of back skin is so chillingly sexy, you’ll be the cold, sharp wind that dances through the room, making everyone take note.
Stretch Velvet Bustier, American Apparel, $39
This adorable velvet bustier in festive cranberry obviously isn’t a dress, but would cut quite a figure when paired with a black high-waisted pencil skirt, or as they’ve styled it here, with gamine high-waisted trousers.
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Isabel Slone is a Toronto-based fashion blogger and writer. Follow her on Twitter at @isabelslone.
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