I’m not the kind of girl who can commit to a monogamous relationship– with a hairdresser, that is. I’ve switched dozens of times since I got my first haircut (an Anna Wintour-esque bob at the age of four. Thanks, Mom!) and have never felt the guilt that my friends express when they step out on their stylists.

It’s not that I’m fickle, and it’s definitely not because I think I can get a better deal elsewhere if I shop around. I have a bundle of rules when it comes to someone styling my hair and if even one is breached, it constitutes as a deal breaker. These are the commandments I expect stylists to respect when I put my hair in their hands.

Thou Shalt Not Blame Me For Any Pain

This is reminiscent of dentist appointments, you know when they scrape your gums with a pickaxe and then say “You’re bleeding profusely because you don’t floss eight times every hour.” When I got my hair styled for my elementary school graduation, the stylist (a dominatrix in another life, I’m convinced) pulled, twisted, and raked through my hair until I had tears streaming down my face. Instead of apologizing or even handing me a tissue he just said “This hurts because you don’t condition enough.” Huh?

Thou Shalt Not Quote A Price and then Not Honour It

I’m not completely unreasonable. I understand that hair can be unpredictable and one bottle of perming cream might not be enough (not that I’ve had a perm…cough) to do the job properly, but something like that should be verbalized. Instead of giving me a specific price and then saying “Oh but I had to use an extra bottle because you have thick hair… so it’s an extra $100,” just say this is the base price but it could go up depending on your hair. Some of us are living on a student budget and can’t just swing an extra hunnit.

Thou Shalt Not Blah Blah Blah Into MY Appointment Time

Appointments exist for a reason. This is the time I have to spare to get a trim, not later, and not earlier. Obviously other clients can be late and it affects the rest of the schedule. If I’m sitting in the reception area fifteen minutes into my appointment and I glance over to see you gabbing with your client and two other stylists, I will waltz out that door and never return.

Thou Shalt Not Lecture Me On My Tastes

“Really? You want to go blonde? I’m not sure how that will look on you.” I’m the type of customer who, once I get an idea in my head (white hair, ombre tips, pixie cut), will stop at nothing to achieve it. If you tell me you don’t think I should do it and would rather do ‘the usual,’ I will leave and find someone who won’t think twice about it. I don’t need the lecture about my hair choices. I have a mother for that.

Thou Shalt Not Draw Out Treatments To Make More Money

Back when I lost my mind for a minute and wanted to dye my dark hair white, I told my stylist and was met with “I think we should instead lighten your hair so slightly you won’t ever notice every week for the next two years and see what happens.” I’m not stupid. I know 6 hours in the chair with bleach on my scalp will damage my hair, but that’s what I want to do.  If it’s what I asked for, I won’t be mad at you for the result and I won’t refuse to pay. But I’m not handing over a shit ton of money like clockwork for something that won’t be done quickly enough to keep me interested.

Thou Shalt Not Ignore My Pictures

Here’s a tip: if I bring you 24 pictures of Victoria Beckham’s bob, it’s because I want my hair to look exactly like it. I didn’t go through the trouble of finding photos with her head turned in every direction humanly possible for you to glance at them for 0.12 seconds and say “Yea…or something like that.” No. Not ‘something like this,’ exactly this! Study it! Memorize it! Execute it!

____

Bianca Teixeira writes about style for Toronto Standard. Follow her on Twitter at @BeeLauraTee.

For more, follow us on Twitter @TorontoStandard and subscribe to our newsletter.