Shane McMahon, it's Toronto calling…
Toronto got some bad press this week from ESPN. We ranked as the worst city for professional sports in all of North America. Maybe it wasn’t the most scientific of studies, however looking at the state of both the Raptors and the Maple Leafs (who both ranked quite poorly), it can be said we have room for some substantial improvement in terms of competing for competing for championships. But the standings aren’t based just on that. According to ESPN Toronto also ranks badly in terms of value for the money sports fans pay to support their teams, and the overall relationship between fans and the teams.
To me, it reads like we need to rebrand what the Toronto sports experience is about. We need to make the whole package of professional sports in our city something that’s dynamic, that has immediate and accessible excitement for all levels of sports fans. I’m aware that this is a bit of a long term project, but there’s no reason not to get ourselves thinking about a solution already. But where can we look to for a model of a dynamic and exciting sports experience?
Now, over in Grantland (the long-form sports and popular culture blog that ESPN and Bill Simmons recently launched featuring contributors like Chuck Klosterman and Dave Eggers) the Masked Man (known also as David Shoemaker) was recently complaining about the lack of real sports reporting done to properly cover professional wrestling. He relates an interesting story about a reporter who once faked his way through his coverage of a local wrestling card, armed with the predetermined results of the matches. The reporter, in fact, did not show up for the event itself (settling instead for a preview at the arena while the wrestlers were warming up) but reported the results of the matches all the same. The event, however, never took place. It was cancelled due to weather. Logically, it’s the reporter who gets run out of town as a result of the blunder. He’s the one who broke the contract with the fans.
The Masked Man makes the interesting case that this is a story about journalism, not professional wrestling (it was never in question that wrestling was fake). He uses the anecdote to segue into his complaint that the majority of reporting done on wrestling is either an expos of some kind, or else is derisive of the whole enterprise from the beginning. But what really caught my interest in The Masked Man’s attempts at the due diligence of earnest reporting on the upcoming wrestling card (that happened this past weekend) was his double attention to fact and fiction.
The descriptions of the upcoming matches share enthusiasm for the fictional storylines as well as the abilities of the individual performers to pull off a believable and exciting spectacle. “Show,” Masked Man notes, referring to the wrestler The Big Show, “never exactly fleet of foot, is selling the after-effects of a (fake) hit and run.” In his set-up of the match he’s parsing the details that might hinder delivery of the most entertainment possible, no matter what side of the line between reality and make-believe they may fall on. So can we do this for our collective sports culture in Toronto?
Is there a script doctor in the house? Is there some way we can sell, or simply just invent, a series of dramatic storylines to inject life into the sports teams and personalities of Toronto? Can we keep the identity of the new Maple Leafs rookie a secret, and have him skate all season long in a wrestler’s mask under his helmet? Then at a pivotal game in the season we can stage an ‘accidental’ reveal.
Can the new head coach of the Raptors carry a prop with him everywhere he goes, maybe a chair (to borrow from another wrestling cliche)? That worked well for Coach Bobby Knight, didn’t it?
What if we staged an attack on Jose Bautista in the parking lot of the Rogers Centre after a home game, making it seem like it was a rival homerun hitter who did the damage (this also worked in figure skating)? Then, for the rest of the season he wears bandages wrapped around his ribcage providing opposing pitchers with a suspiciously facile target to aim at when they pitch inside to him.
I know that these all read as basically foolproof ideas already, and that the reputation for Toronto as a sports city is about to change for the better. But I’m worried that Toronto has already been scooped on this plan. Shane McMahon, son of wrestling magnate and CEO of the WWE Vince McMahon, was seen taking in all of the action at this weekend’s US Open, hanging out the whole time with none other than Rory McIlroy’s dad. No doubt there is already very serious storyboarding going on to ensure McIlroy’s meteoric rise to golf stardom takes as dynamic a trajectory as possible.
I wonder if Shane McMahon freelances as a consultant on these matters. Because we have this Toronto-based (okay, Thornhill) Milos Raonic who, if handled strategically, is poised to make some noise at Wimbledon right about now. What else does ESPN want from us?
