It is apparently a fairly standard occurrence that when Christopher Hitchens is on a plane he is asked by whoever is seated next to him an opening question about “the playoffs”. To which he usually replies, “We’ll have to cut straight to sex or politics.” I don’t think the playoffs would be a subject I’d use to strike up a conversation with Christopher Hitchens if I found myself beside him on a plane. But now that I think about it I’d be tempted to try it, just to see him attempt the segue.
Big news in the world of basketball this week is the retirement of Shaquille O’Neil. Now, Shaq is quotable sort of guy to say the least. God willing, and with a bit of free time on his hands now to take some leisurely flights, the next neighboring airline passenger to strike up a conversation with Hitch will be the Big Theologian himself. So Shaq leans over to Christopher Hitchens and says, “Man, have you been watching the playoffs?”
There is indeed much going on. Manchester United was left out of Barcelona’s party in the sprinklers. There was a spelling bee. It’s the French Open. And it is, after all, the playoffs.
1. There is no denying that the Miami Heat are good. Right now, they are really good. My general feeling about good basketball teams has usually been that there’s only so much talent a team can make use of, and at that point the difference between teams is a matter of strategy, chemistry, execution. But with two of Miami’s starting five not registering a single point in game one of the finals against Dallas (a win for Miami), and with everything that James, Wade and Bosh can do on full display, maybe I’m just wrong.
2. Yet we were denied, in the women’s draw of the French Open, match-ups between any of the top-seeded players by the time the semifinals rolled around. We were left watching Maria Sharapova vs the volatility of the French crowds (because they do not always get along). But now she’s gone too. On the men’s side of things the top four seeds made it through to the semifinal, but we were denied the excitement of further Fabio Fognini tennis. Fognini advanced to the quarterfinals by way of an 11-9 fifth set, even though he was rendered almost completely immobile before it was all done. He couldn’t go on to play anymore in the tournament, withdrawing due to injury.
3. The big reveal: These goalies are good. All playoffs long, about both Roberto Luongo and Tim Thomas, questions have been asked. The issue has been raised. Debate has ensued. But game one’s lone goal scored was the latest regulation goal scored in a 1-0 game in the history of the Stanley Cup Finals.
4. Phantom power. Seeing is believing, and so I deduce that the torn tendon on Nowitzki’s left hand is fine, since he iced the Heat with that very left hand in the final seconds of game two, and I didn’t end up having to believe in the inevitability of Miami winning for very long. (Also, new NHL disciplinarian Brendan Shanahan reviewed the evidence but saw nothing that would lead you to believe that Alex Burrows is at all channeling the ghost of Mike Tyson.)
5. The streak ends here. I’m not even talking about Djokovic. I mean my guy Jo-Jo Reyes. He finally gets a win. And he kills it, really. The Jays finish the game 11-1 over the Cleveland Indians. Jo-Jo throws for the whole game. It was a resounding success. I have mixed feelings about this though. Reyes seems a likeable guy. I want to see him win. But he came so close to that all time record of winlessness. I just wanted to see him get that number one spot. Congratulations anyway, Jo-Jo.
