It sounds like wasps thrown in a blender and blasted through a megaphone. The three-day Honda Indy kicks off today at the CNE grounds, the largest sporting event in Ontario and the fastest car racing in North America.

I know nothing about Indycar racing, but naturally jumped at the opportunity to cover it because I knew there would be free snacks. I live near Trinity-Bellwoods Park, where it is customary to eat organic and deride such a brazen display of fuel-consumption like the Indy. My morality tends to wane where pleasure is involved, so I was pumped. My (car-driving) friend from out of town was similarly enthusiastic: “Bahaha…so wish I was there with you,” She texted. “I’d like to touch some bums. I’d be out of control.”

Indeed, the drivers are certainly a major draw – the Indy Toronto has seen the likes of Micheal Andretti, Paul Tracy and Will Power. A sort of cult of personality emerges around the individual driver, but so much more goes on behind the scenes. The driver is the one that bears the brunt of the g-force, soaring temperatures and perilously tight corners – but they are just the outer representation of the team.

Simon Pagenaud drives for Sam Schmidt Motorsports. His team consists of 18 people, all crammed into a trailer – the engineers, mechanics, driver, two cars, equipment, and the fuel tank. “I tackle it as a business,” notes Pagenaud. “Without them, we can’t do well.”

It’s a harrowing endeavour: essentially an engine on wheels, the sheer downward force and soaring temperatures transform a two-hour drive into a punishing, high intensity workout that you can never “be fit enough for.” The crew must be ever vigilant in improving the performance of the car and tweaking it for any anticipated weather variables (it’s supposed to rain during qualifying times on Saturday, making an already tricky course a little slicker). As Pagenaud explains his daily routine (working out incessantly and eating chicken, pasta and tomato sauce) the crew must have dismantled and reassembled his car three times. It is so bright and punchy – like a big toy car, which is, essentially, what it is. Pagenaud is affable – almost giddy – he knows he has a little kid’s ultimate dream job. Indeed everyone working here seems similarly jazzed, you get to be around cars going really fast all day, it makes office work pale in comparison. Their skill level is astonishing – a crew can refuel and change four tires in six seconds. Last time I had to change a tire it took me 45 minutes to do one.

The grounds have been totally transformed with a massive 1.75 mile track made of 5,000 metric tons of asphalt. Within 21 days, all traces of the race will be removed. The cars themselves are open-wheel, single-seat, open-cockpit cars – as fast as formula 1 cars but in far more treacherous conditions. At such high speeds, they average about three miles to the gallon. To add even more terrifying excitement, they have introduced “Push to Pass” for this particular race. It is basically a turbocharger boost (‘overtake assist feature’) that allows the driver to push a button which will increase to 50-60 the existing horsepower (life imitates Mario Kart).

By mid-afternoon, some sort of demented car fervor takes hold and I start photographing everything car-related (which I have effectively ignored my whole life leading up to this point): oversized tires, spacey looking motorbikes, the display car from the Avengers (a movie I’ve never seen and likely never will). There is a racecar perched atop four tiny teacups, a strange cross-promotion showing us that even kickass racecar drivers enjoy a sturdy tea cup. Or something. There are tons of food booths and driving simulators (my best lap was a shameful 51 seconds).  All I know is, I wish I still had a car.

Honda Indy Toronto runs from July 6 – 8. Friday is free to the public with donation to the Make A Wish Foundation. Visit www.hondaindytoronto.com for more info.

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