Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
I’m no follower of any sort of organized religion, but this line ran through my head when I heard the news of David Petraeus’ resignation as Director of the CIA. Last week, following the election, he took his formal letter to Obama, who then took over 24 hours to accept it. The reason for his resignation was not because he had proven unfit for his job, had turned counter spy or even stole Post-its. He was asked to resign over having an extra-marital affair with his biographer.
You can find details of the story all over the internet. I’m not going to bore you with them myself as they are irrelevant (at least, until news comes out that national security was threatened, which has so far been unproven). It’s all very Sweet Valley High. And now the world is watching, waiting for more shoes to drop, preferably heels.
Some might say the resignation is simply a cover for a larger scandal, the affair hoping to act as a distraction from something more sinister. But no such news has surfaced yet, and we’re left to think that the reason this successful and respected head of one of America’s top agencies is stepping down because he got a boner for someone other than his wife.
It really should go without saying that having a boner and acting on it is not a reason to be expected to leave your hard-earned position.
Petreaus had to step down because shooting his load in unsanctioned places was apparently going to cloud his judgment, or have him drop his guard too low, revealing secrets that he shouldn’t. Because we all know that warm, younger pussy automatically will cause someone to become a national traitor. Or so they say. I would like to think that one of the main reasons he became CIA Director in the first place is because he’s proven time and again that he can, in fact, keep secrets.
I’m reminded of popular rape apologies that state men are just animals that can’t be trusted to behave themselves when raw meat is waved in front of them. If this relegation of men to wild beasts with no self-control were based in any fact, the whole world would be under threat of war every single minute.
So it’s expected – and now endorsed by POTUS – that if you do get your rocks off with someone other than your spouse, you need to kiss your career goodbye, no matter how decorated.
Of course, the likes of the Petraeus ‘scandal’ isn’t something we haven’t heard before. Not many minutes can go by in a news cycle that doesn’t mention some story involving a high-ranking official or celebrity caught with their pants down or skirt up. That media insists on making these stories everybody’s business (and therefore, making us all experts in how they should be resolved) is a sad comment on all of us. But we’re just the unwashed masses, hungry for tabloid trash. I get that. What’s more infuriating is that people whom I know are way smarter or skilled than most of us in things that affect millions (or even billions) of people still regard acts like consensual sex between two people not married to each other as offences against national security. Or at least, that knocking boots is going to affect someone’s work performance. If that were the case, none of us would get any fucking work done and modern society would fall apart. As many have already said about those in Washington, “Who isn’t having an affair?”
Maybe it’s merely the appearance of impropriety that’s the problem (or the draw, depending on which side of the news you’re in). In 2009, Late Show host David Letterman wound up in a situation in which one of his producers threatened to blackmail him by exposing Letterman’s affair with a staffer. In one of the classiest moves I’ve seen by a celebrity, Letterman shot him down, quickly had him arrested, and admitted and apologized on his show for his behaviour. You didn’t hear much more about the story after that. Had he denied the affair and possibly caved under the threat, it would have been a lot worse.
Tiger Woods’ downfall came on the heels of his myriad of affairs becoming public. Not that I like him or golf one bit, but nobody knows what kind of agreement, if any, that Woods had with his then-wife. Maybe his latest affair was sloppily dealt with, and in order to save face, his wife had to react the way she did. Merely speculation, but not entirely implausible. Sure, Woods is an arrogant, horny prick. But that doesn’t affect his stroke (who knows; maybe it does and to his benefit?) But none of his family’s personal life should be any of our business, especially if no laws are broken.
My husband and I have our own special agreements, and that’s only after being together for 15 years. When I hear scandals that involve people who have been together for longer than we have, I always assume the great possibility that there could be some sort of unwritten contract between some of the parties involved. It’s only after their private matters are exposed that things take a sharp downturn, thanks to the general public running up to their front doors armed with torches and pitchforks. When news of a sexual affair hits fever pitch, I’m not surprised that even those with ‘special agreements’ feel cornered into making their personal stories even bigger mockeries by reacting as the God-fearing public expect them to: shocked and appalled at being cuckolded.
The public gets their pound of flesh, writing a million stories, Facebook updates, tweets, and blog posts about scandal. What are they going to do with that piece of rotting meat? Stick it on their mantles and point to the smelly lump when friends come over, and gloat about how they got it? The media whip the public into a froth, and what results are more clicks on their sites, and if they’ve got more names, more gossip, more photos than the next person, they’ll maybe get their 15 seconds (with the internet, it’s seconds) of fame, while those actually involved in the scandal are having their lives ripped apart. Will Petraeus now not be deserving of work because he’s a pig and possibly lied to his wife? Unless it’s proven that his lover was going to sell secrets, it’s none of our business. Even then, it’s no proof that love triangles are generally national threats.
The story broke wide open because the Feds were wondering if the affair meant a breach in security. I’m curious as to why being married means that national security won’t be breached. I would think that a spouse of a high ranking official – or anyone, really – has way more access to emails and files than any lover would.
I don’t only wish that Petraeus would not have tendered his resignation, but had said, “Yep. I had sex and it was goooo-ooood”. I’ve got private issues with my marriage that are none of your fucking business, and I’m going to come into work tomorrow and do the same kick-ass job I’ve been doing since the day you hired me. If you don’t like it, prove to me I suck at my job or KISS MY ASS.” Much like Mansour Al-Zahrani, from Homeland, when threatened to be exposed for his ‘indiscretions.’
The fact that we’re now not even as good as our last effort is disturbing. Petraeus, although unliked by some, hasn’t proven to be a detriment to his position or country in terms of his leadership. The fact that his reputation can’t stand on its own, and his sex life trumps his record, is testament that we’re not moving forward as a society, but woefully backwards.
____
Got a question about sex in art, relationships, parenting? Send Sonya a note at dearmadame@torontostandard.com. Anonymity assured.
Sonya JF Barnett, also known as “The Madame,” is the founder of an erotic arts community called The Keyhole Sessions and the co-founder of SlutWalk Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @KeyholeSessions.
For more, follow us on Twitter @TorontoStandard and subscribe to our newsletter.
