One of my best friends is engaged to a younger girl. He’s 26, she just turned 20. They got engaged last year, then about a month later announced she was preggers. She just had the baby last week and their wedding is next spring.
Here’s my problem: they’re having a destination wedding at a resort in Mexico. I have a few problems with the whole enterprise. I don’t want to shell out the cash to take vacation time in March to go to an expensive(ish) resort in Mexico for a wedding I don’t believe in at all. I like all my friends gf’s and bf’s but this girl drives me batty and their courtship is gross. I really don’t want to go. Can I get away with skipping it? He might be grumpy cos I totally could make the trip fiscally, I just totally don’t wanna.
Aw, Poor Thing, it certainly is a rough-and-tumble world out there when it comes to friendships, isn’t it? Unfortunately, the more friends you have, the more you have to deal with witnessing horrible, sometimes unthinkable mistakes.
For one reason or another, I’ve disagreed with every wedding that I’ve ever been to, but that never changed the fact that I knew it was important to the people who invited me. A lot of unreasonable people have been dreaming out their weddings since childhood, which makes their big day more important than breathing. They’re worried about whether or not the purple flowers will match the tiny brooch on the Bride’s dress. That brooch, of course, belonged to her great-grandmother, who lived through a skydiving accident in Chile, and it means so much to everyone. To a husband and wife to be, the very thought of a friend simply “not showing up” is basically like being stabbed in the eye with a spoon while in prison serving a life sentence for something they didn’t do. Not only is it unreasonable, it is next to impossible to get away with.
You: Oh, hey man! How was the trip?
Friend: It was amazing, man! I got married in Mexico. You’re my friend, right? Where were you?
You: Oh, well, I really hate the girl you married, so I just stayed here. Well, I went to Swiss Chalet last night, but it kind of sucked because they ran out of white meat.
Friend: Well, dark meat is better, but we’re not friends anymore so shut up. But, really, dark meat tastes way better. You and I are through, pal.
My favourite book and life guide says that “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” You say that this is one of your best friends, and that is usually something worth holding on to. You’re being selfish, but you know that already, right? No one wants to go to a wedding that they don’t agree with (no one wants to go to a wedding at all), but you should know that your friend honestly doesn’t care what you think at this point.
If you really want to do your friend a favour, pretend you think his baby is cute and convince him not to wear a white linen suit and a fedora at his wedding.
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Kirk Heron is Toronto Standard‘s advice columnist. Follow him on Twitter at @ohnowhattodo.
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