Everyday we see thousands of faces. But what are the stories behind those faces? Kathleen Phillips gives her best estimate.
Tibor Garabaldi – Canada’s own Lactating Man!
When Tibor’s wife, Hannah gave birth to twin boys, he saw how overwhelmed she was with constant feeding and breast pumping and wanted to help. Tibor studied a book by Balkar Jagpal, a man from Pakistan who claims he nursed one hundred motherless infants at an orphanage where he worked as a custodian. Jagpal’s story inspired Tibor to train his own body to produce milk. He stimulated his nipples for three hours each day with an electric neck massager. After a month, Tibor was breastfeeding his sons. Though he’s happy he can help, Tibor admits, “If I found out my father breast fed me, I think I’d kill myself. But hopefully by the time my boys are grown, lactating men will be everywhere.”
David Wroczik – Paging Dr. Frankenstein
When furniture warehouse king and previous doi-yoi Toronto Mayor, Mel Lastman approached Wroczik to develop a method of reanimating dead flesh in order to create a special force of unpaid zombie police, Wroczik replied, “But I just deliver furniture.” After the arrival of a cadaver in a refrigerator box to his back door, Wroczik finally agreed to give it a shot. He sawed off the top of the subject’s head with an electric carving knife and replaced the brain with a cabbage. For reasons beyond scientific explanation, the body came alive. However, this Frankenstein/Kids in the Hall tribute zombie that Wroczik named, “David-Too” was not cut out for enforcement. David-Too was nothing short of a miracle, but he was also super stupid, but also just the sweetest guy. David-Too lived in the care of Wroczik until he died again for obviously every reason.
Jeremy Pritchard – Ghost Busted!
Ever been sitting on the toilet or making love to a stranger and wondered, “Can my dead grandparents see me?” The answer could be, YES! At least it is for Jeremy Prichard. Jeremy says his grandparents are with him 24/7, watching and nagging from beyond the grave. “The first time was year ago. I was hanging out in my bathroom and when I was done I saw, “You’ll go blind doing that!” written in A-5 3-5 on the mirror.” Since then, Jeremy’s grandparents have been awkwardly intervening on a regular basis. “If I smoke pot, Popps makes the walls bleed. If I bring a girl home Nana makes my place stink like eggs.” Jeremy understands his grandparents are trying to guide him wisely, but admits he wishes Dan Akroyd was real ( a Ghostbuster) and could just make them disappear. Jeremy says, “It would be better if they didn’t watch at me be naked as much.”
Kathleen Phillips is a writer and comedian based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @kathophillips.