The enemies of Ideas Free to a Good Home would have you believe that it’s too soon to start thinking about Movember. The enemies of Ideas Free to a Good Home would have you believe that this idea is jumping the gun. Nothing could be farther from the truth. By posting this now, I am giving some resourceful soul almost six weeks’ lead time to get this idea to market. I look forward to receiving our cheque around just in time for Christmas shopping. Wait. IFtoGH has enemies? Absolutely. In our brief existence, we’ve earned the enmity of Gillette, Chinese restaurant traditionalists, storage auction treasure hunters, non-comical ethnicities, the powerful overheated genitals lobby, and, of course, Lenny Dykstra, for starters. We’re not afraid to tell the truth, man. We’re too lazy to do much more than that, but we’re not afraid to tell the truth. So to the idea: 
THE CLARK GABLE In my moustache-growing moments, or more specifically, my moustache-trimming moments, there’s a lot of guesswork as I trim it into a particular shape. And more often than not I get into a ‘shortening one leg of a table’ situation in which I wind up correcting and re-correcting for errors until I’m teetering on the edge of… let’s just call it the Michael Jordan moustache. 
IT’S SABOTAGE How nice if there were some sort of template that you could just hold up to your face (or possibly attach with straps?) and shave around. Not sure if it’s like a socket set with a selection of shapes and sizes or one adjustable template. Every time I imagine it, for some reason, what I see is the exact opposite of what I’m describing: a moustache-shaped stencil you’d place around your mouth. But that, of course, would mean the only thing that would wind up actually being shaved is your moustache. So it’s the opposite of that. So I dunno. Maybe it’s like moustache-shaped lorgnettes (those fancy eyeglasses on a stick) that you hold in front of your lip instead of your eyes and trim around it. Or it could be the aforementioned moustache-shaped stencil that you dust with baby powder, then remove it and trim away anything non-powdered. Whatever the solution, I expect to see more interesting moustaches come the middle of November. And a fat cheque for my share of the profits shortly thereafter. Ideas Free to a Good Home is a clearinghouse of ideas we’re too lazy to develop ourselves.
