It’s not you, it’s me? I invented, “it’s not you, it’s me!” [wufoo username=”torontostandard” formhash=”z7x3k1″ autoresize=”true” height=”456″ header=”show”]
I’ve recently entered the dating scene and am finding the whole thing darned confusing and difficult! I know I’m not the only woman to be experiencing this kind of madness because I hear many LOVELY ladies complaining about the same thing. It seems that despite the many ways (texting, facebook, phones) people can tell others they’re not interested in them or are dating other people, some would still rather stop responding to texts/ messages, or stand people up before actually coming out and saying what they want or don’t want. I mean, these “eligible bachelors” don’t even need to do the rejecting face-to-face! Have we become so cowardly as a generation, so afraid of the truth that we can’t even break it to people from behind a computer screen?! Why is our generation so afraid of being truthful?
— It’s You, Not Me
Hi, It’s You, Not Me, I’m pretty sure it’s not only our generation that has had a fear of being truthful. Take Julius Caesar and Brutus, for instance: If Brutus had kindly explained to Caesar that he and a bunch of other men were planning to kill him, the whole multiple-stabbing ploy would have been compromised. Though Caesar and Brutus weren’t dating (publicly), the point remains that avoiding the truth is usually easier than telling it, especially when negative feelings are involved (and even more if killing is involved).
When Pat Benatar said “Love is a Battlefield”, she forgot to say “and dating is an intergalactic battle of futile desperation that will leave many of its participants feeling hopeless.” It’s a timeless sentiment, and after some exhaustive research, I have found evidence that people — both men and women — have been finding ways to avoid a face-to-face breakup for centuries.
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409 BC — Athens, Greece — After meeting an unnamed woman for some peaceful walks through the streets of Athens, Socrates tires of her reluctance to “come back to his place”. He sends Plato, a friend and student, to meet the woman in order to deliver a note that reads: “Did you ever really believe in this courtship?”
43 BC — Alexandria, Egypt — Before hooking up with Mark Antony, a young Cleopatra found herself partying in the Eastern District of Alexandria at the hottest night club of the time, Ptolemy’s Party Zone, where she meets a young Greek chariot racer. After a few dates, Cleopatra realizes she is not feeling the vibe, and she puts an asp in the Greek’s mailbox. Hoping to find a love letter, the young Greek instead gets bitten and dies soon after.
1206 — Mongolia — A young and virile Genghis Khan sweeps through a small village, accidentally cleaving a young woman’s from her body. As the young woman’s sister cries out in rage, the great Khan mistakes her anger for love, taking her for his own. The young woman fights him off, twisting his genitals until he gets the point. Genghis Khan never speaks to the young woman again.
1350 — Sherwood Forest, England — The family of a beautiful but poor young woman receives a sack full of coins. Buried in the coins, the father of the young beauty finds a piece of parchment with a short paragraph written upon it. He reads it aloud: “Dearest Kate, it seems I must leave the forest for a time. I’m really busy these days, what with all of the stealing and giving and everyone loving me. I really like you, I do, but I fear my job is my true love. Peace, Robin Hood.”
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It’s Not Me, It’s You, there’s a reason why so many people try as hard as possible to avoid rejecting someone face-to-face: it’s so easy! It’s probably not going to change. Instead of becoming jaded about the whole thing, you might want to take these small rejections with a grain of salt. It seems every dillbag in the world is in the dating pool, so you just have to wade through all of the debris until you meet someone who will treat you with respect.
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Kirk Heron is Toronto Standard‘s advice columnist. Follow him on Twitter at @ohnowhattodo.
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